Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Funny Way to Fly!!

I received the funniest email from Deb & Marti – and I just have to share these photos with you.
They write:
Something to consider before taking any South African gigs! 
 Marti thought you would enjoy this as you are such a frequent flier.  Deb & Marti in Delaware
I’m not sure of the source, it seems to have been forwarded and passed around a bit, so if the source contacts me I will provide a link.  I just thought these were hysterical and made the thought of flying fun!
Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And get a kick out of the comments at the end of the photos.

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:   (They'll put a smile on your face.) 

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it !"


On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing, the stewardess said,  "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it 's something we'd like to have." 
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane." 
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." 
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted." 
From a Kulula employee:

"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,

"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it ?"
The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
This made me laugh so loud ---especially after the crappy travel day I had the other day ---This is an airline I WOULD fly!
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  1. Hmm, looks like some wise acre has concatenated real info on Kulula Airlines (the photos) with the shtick Sothwest Airlines flight attendants have used for years.

    1. Yes, Dorothy, we are not in Kansas anymore. Southwest Airlines has used this stuff for years. Last trip from Vegas to Philly, the flight attendant used elementary school trick tests to keep everyone occupied. I won! I'm smarter than a fifth grader.

  2. If you ever come to Canada, you must fly WestJet! Their sense of humour is similar.

  3. This just made my day! I would love to fly with them as well, especially since most fly attendants on flights to and from the US are pretty serious/unpleasant. I bet the ladies of DELTA would not appreciate the joke about "enhancing the appearance of the flight attendants" :-D

  4. I laughed so hard......well we won't go there. ;-) There use to be an acronym for it on the DJ list. LOVE GREEN too. As for Comment #3 Julietta, When I was living in Stuttgart, Germany and Delta was the only way to fly nonstop - well I second your comment. AND there was always one that made sure that you didn't dare use the first class lou. See you tonight!

  5. I so needed this! Lol!

  6. So fun! Now that flying is much like taking the bus but in the air it's nice to know some airlines understand how it is to be a passenger these days.

  7. Laughed SO out loud an net abbreviation is not enough. That little old lady was a treasure. LOVE this post and Southwest is really good, too!

  8. I sure would fly with them. I would fly anywhere in a lime green plane. :)

  9. Just like Southwest Airlines. Love it!
    #1: If this flight should become a cruise, your seat cushion is a flotation device.
    #2: You know how you're told to stay seated until the plane comes to a stop but no one ever does? The flight attendant will say, "no, no, no, not yet."

  10. It's my first choice airline on the rare occasions I have to go to and from Cape Town to Johannesburg! The same sense of humour extends to their online booking. Thanks for sharing.

  11. Needed this today! What a crack up! I'm so glad you posted it :-)

  12. What a cracker.....I would fly with them anytime :) TFS

  13. Having just recently criss-crossed the country by air, I really appreciated this. Some real LOL moments!

  14. I was laughing aloud through all of this! Thanks for sharing Bonnie!

  15. Southwest uses a lot of similar lines, but the paint jobs on their planes are nowhere near as funny. This was a hoot!

  16. I saw this via an email months ago and love it! Alaska Airlines has several painted planes with different themes my favorite being the "fish" one. One AK Air flight we had Scottie for an attendant and he was funny. Everyone listened to him just because it was different than the normal monotone spiel.

  17. I've actually flown on Kulula. Our plane was decorated, but we had assigned seats and the attendants on my flights weren't nearly as funny as this.


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