The Quilter's Last Will And Testament*
I,___________________________,being of sound mind (a statement which does not bear close examination) do hereby record my last will and testament.
Knowing that __________________________________, my _________________ (husband, sister, or friend) hasn’t the least understanding or appreciation for, or for that matter, knowledge of my extensive fabric collection, which collection is suitably deposited in sundry places for safekeeping.
Knowing also that ___________________________ has already notified the local dumpster to pick up and dispose of the before mentioned collection "willy-nilly" (the thought of which causes me a most severe case of hives).
Therefore, I do will this collection and all other collections related to it, to my dear friend and fellow fabric preservationist, _________________________.
It is my wish that she/he, upon hearing of my death and obtaining clear proof that I did not manage, although goodness knows I tried, to take it with me, would come to my home post haste, before the dumpster, and search out my collection which is similarly stored at her own abode.
That she should rescue said collection and stack it in my quilting studio, along with my sewing machines, frames, old buttons, lace, patterns, quilts, dolls and works in progress.
After she/he has done this, she/he should purchase refreshments for my friends not yet departed, which friends are also her/his friends, and every last one shall be in that room and they shall hold a wake and say lovely and kind things about me until they run out and then they shall divide amongst themselves, by lot, my wonderful collection.
I shall be hovering over that very spot until this is done. _______________________ shall then quit this spot and close the door, leaving trivialities to those who do not understand. This is my wish on the matter.
Signed: ____________________ Date: ___________
Notarized: __________________ Date: ___________
*This is not a legal document
Written By Elinor Peace Baily,
Published in "The Cloth Doll"