First Things First.

This girl says it all.

She velcroed herself to my side the moment we walked in the door last night.

It’s like she “KNOWS.”  You know?

She also snores, but I didn’t mind.

I was amazed at the amount of debris and limbs, leaves, and STUFF in my neighborhood as we took a walk to clear my head this morning.

Leaves and limbs and small branches clog the driveway, walkway, yard and even the back porch.  (It’s a covered porch, so that wind must have been blowing everything sideways.)

It will take a while to put things back together.  And we were lucky.

I live on a hill, so no flooding happened here, but I know folks not more than a couple of miles away who have been dealing with flooded basements and more.

The physical hurricane may have passed, but the emotional one still rages from time to time within my heart.

These 4 brothers mean the world to me.

I needed their strength.

Mike, David, Rick and Scott.

7 sibling hug – this photo says it all.

I wasn’t going to post these photos at all – but this blog is my journal.  It would not be complete without recording these last very hard days.

He ain’t heavy – He’s my brother.

My four brothers were joined by Mark’s son Spencer, and his sons-in-law David and Hunter.

My Dad, singing “Eidelweiss” at the graveside service -

Our family “sing-along” song since we were little.

We all joined in on the second verse.

The days since Mark’s funeral are a blur, filled with much family hugging and an abundance of food and new happy (even weird) memories added to the old ones.

Saturday night's round of family fun and togetherness: Scorpion hunting by black light headed up by my sister-in-law Sharolyn now nicknamed "The Scorpion Whisperer" or "The Hammer!"

Glow-in-the-Dark Scorpions!  

Who knew that scorpions glow under black light? We guffawed laughing when my uncle Scott, father of my cousin Bethany exclaimed "Amazing! We've only ever used black light to find cat pee!" (The Minnesota Contingency has no scorpion experience!)

Sharolyn brought the hammer down and her yard is now minus three of the little desert devils.

There were family dinners, and group breakfasts – there were sad goodbyes as family started to depart – Some on Sunday, Some on Monday – Rick left on Tuesday, and me on Wednesday – Yesterday.

My thoughts are with those family members residing in Arizona where everyday memories of Mark are present and plentiful.

We’ve all experienced a shift in our realities. We KNOW the fragility of life, and priorities are adjusting into a new order of things as we also adjust our paces to our new normal.

Things will never be the same.

But Mark is still with us in spirit, and in our hearts.

One of the items on display for Mark’s life sketch in the foyer of the church was a saying he loved, and I am adopting it for myself. 

I believe this.

To all those who have said to me “God only gives you what you can handle” – a gentle rephrase to the above makes all the difference, from a trial of punishment to a loving hand-up out of despair.

Other things I’ve also learned – comments that go “I’m sorry for your loss, I went through the same thing (add various ailments, diseases and family deaths here)” add more pain to the one already grieving.  It makes it about the person commenting, not the one who is currently suffering a new loss.  

I learned this by watching my sister-in-law add other people’s grief to her own. The next time I give condolences to someone – it won’t include details about my own loss.  I will just express my honest love and concern and ask if there is anything I can do, and do it. 

I will LISTEN and love, not speak about my own experience.

Any condolence that starts with or includes “At least he….” is not a comfort.  It minimizes the loss.

I realize through watching all of these things happen, through the evening visitation on Friday night, through the funeral on Saturday and visits with people later, that there are many things I have maybe said in the past to those who were grieving that were meant to help, but perhaps didn’t.

There is learning and growing in everything – even this. I am more aware of how to handle others' grief through my own experience.

I got the little string star quilt 3/4  bound – but forgot to attach the hanging sleeve – I MADE the sleeve, I knew I did.

I found it still on the ironing board this morning and sewed it on..

Perhaps tonight will find me finishing it up?

As I get my bearings back under me, things may be a bit off schedule here.  I’m home until Oct 7th.  I plan to take things easy. 

I know I’ll get back to regular blogging, but for now it may be at odd times. 

As it was, I had to laugh at myself this morning that I screwed up my Microsoft password enough times to have to do an email verification and start a new password.  Drat.  I hate that.

I have a massage at noon, followed by chiropractor, and then some mail order.

I want to do normal things like grocery shopping, and some simple house straightening.  It needs it.

I may head to Virginia for the weekend and finish painting those kitchen cabinets.

I just need to breathe and settle, and prioritize -

I’ll find myself again through all of this.

Quiltville Quote of the Day!

This may be my mantra for the next several days, or as long as it takes.

It feels good to be home.