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Tuesday, September 25, 2018

About Rediscovery

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Any upheaval of significance can derail even the most stalwart of “routine followers.”

I never would have thought this to be true – but over the past month have found myself going to bed as one person, and upon waking up find myself staring at the ceiling wondering “Okay, how are you going to function today?” “Which Dr. Jekyl or Mr. Hyde emotion is going to take charge?”

Where one week ago I couldn’t even bear to look at needle and thread – afraid that I’d never be able to feed my creative self again, if I could even FIND her – I am going through rounds of digging in and digging out and finding projects that were somewhat begun, but had reached a standstill along the way. I’m asking questions like “Where did you come from?  Why did you languish?”

Such is the case with this pink bin full of  scrappy basket blocks (pattern from a previous Addicted to Scraps column with Quiltmaker) and the other items in the bin give me an idea of just what was going on here -


Two baggies full of random bonus triangles saved from my own projects, and gleaned or gifted from others added to the mix -

More baggies full of cut out parts, ready to make MORE basket blocks.

How many are in here?  I have no idea!

But surely there is enough in here to start something?  To lay out something?  To make a new plan if I can’t remember the old one?

I think grief recovery is like that.  We are forever changed.  The old self is forgotten somewhere in being thrown off the tracks of normality, and we have to re-examine the pieces and decide how to put them back together again.

It might not be in the same original plan as before, but a new creation that better fits our new reality.

Testing the waters.  One foot at a time.  Re-examining each part and deciding where it is going to go.  Maybe the old ideas just don’t apply any more.

And that’s okay.

This next bit includes a spoiler – so if you are currently watching Call the Midwife, Season 7 and haven’t finished, be warned.

I’ve been binge watching and binge sewing – and as I got to the final 2 or 3 episodes, it got to the point where I couldn’t sew any more and just watched through ugly sobs as one of the cast members is lost to the effects of disease.

The whole loss, grief and mourning hit me like a freight train and took me under.  The funeral all to familiar.

And when a cast member gets up to read a poem from the pulpit during the funeral, I pay attention because the words are speaking to me:


comfort

“Turn Again To Life” is by poet Mary Lee Hall (1843-1927), the first female lawyer in Connecticut, and a suffragette.

Her poem was also read at Princess Diana’s funeral by her sister, Lady Sarah McCorquodale.  I found this out later as I looked it up.  Maybe that is why it rang such a chord with me?

I felt as if this poem were speaking to me personally.  And that is my goal today.  To turn to life and smile, to comfort those whose hearts are also bruised.


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Another view down the lane to the road – autumn in the air.

It was a very short walk this morning - it's lightly raining with possibly more heavy rain to come.

I don’t have a plethora of photos for today’s post.  I’ve been also working on “secretly mysterious” things behind the scenes as well.  I’ve got that Halloween deadline in mind for the release of our yardage, colors and other info for this year’s Quiltville winter mystery around the corner.  It’s coming along.

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Quiltville Inn by drone.

This is a photo from last fall, before it was ours.

Today I am also meeting a couple of friends at Quiltville Inn, coming up from Davidson, North Carolina – about 100 miles away.

They should be arriving in about an hour if they left Davidson when they said they were going to, so I better get a move on.

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Quiltville Quote of the Day.

Vintage string quilt shared by Kevin the Quilter.


This not only applies to quilting, but to everything else we face on a daily basis that seems too large, too hard, too complicated.

Take another look. Break it down.

One step at a time!




38 comments:

  1. God bless you as you seek to heal and find a different "normal". Most of all be kind to yourself, please. I will continue to pray for you.

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  2. I needed this today. Thank you!

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  3. Good morning from Texas! I look forward to your posts. They are always so encouraging. Thank you for sharing your life and love of quilting! I hope to make it to Quiltville Inn when you start hosting retreats!

    Sending wishes and prayers for a beautiful day filled with promises!

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  4. Thank you for your example of courage through adversity. This poem will go on my list of things to use when.

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  5. Thank you for continuing on... Your blog does such incredible things in our lives. Thank you for encouraging our weaker hearts.

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  6. Oh Bonnie....I’ve been exactly where you’ve been talking about...many times with the loss of my parents who passed, you don’t ever think you’ll be the same and you won’t. You just have to learn a new way of life...the poem was absolutely what I needed today. Hugs to you my friend. Enjoy your day at the Inn 💗😘

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  7. Everything you are learning in your journey thru grief, I learned when o lost my mom in 2015. It's lessons only learned by experience. I send love and light and joy to you from Michigan.

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  8. I remember watching those episodes and doing some very ugly crying of my own, and I had not just experienced the very personal grief that you have. Hopefully it was somehow cathartic for you. Of course, I don’t think I’ve ever watched a single episode of that wonderful series without shedding at least one tear! Thanks for sharing the poem in print. I remember it being lovely, but now I’ve copied it and put it on my bulletin board to remind me to live each day for more than just myself (although there’s nothing wrong with that either once in awhile!)

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  9. Upheavals do cause such break in normalcy and routines. Something that I have carried with me since losing my Grandpa is the need to take the time to adjust to the "new normal". It's a different process for everyone and it isn't up to anyone else to dictate how you adjust or how long it takes.

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  10. Your words are always a comfort to those who need them. Every time you pick up a needle or sew a stitch, it is a testament to moving in a positive direction. Creating, making, always take more energy than doing nothing or getting stuck in negativity. One step at a time, but step.

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  11. I have been quite concerned for you in your journey thru this time. But those healing words were certainly sent to you to help give you a guidance and direction. From experience I say safely say, the creative self will emerge, better and newly directed. Hugs from SC

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  12. the death of a close loved one does change you but at some point you do return to the person you were before, only with a tiny chunk missing, like a healed over wound...that memory will reopen from time to time...

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  13. Yes. THIS. "The old self is forgotten somewhere in being thrown off the tracks of normality, and we have to re-examine the pieces and decide how to put them back together again." I completely resonate with this. I am a completely different person since my mom passed. I will never go back to being the person I was. My priorities and outlook on life have changed.

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  14. You are such a gifted writer Bonnie... thank you for your inspiration today!
    I also am an avid Call the Midwife fan!

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  15. From personal experience and observation, the worst of grief occurs within next two years. A loved ones death really stirs unknown depths....Besides intermittent weeping. I found myself driving to places....having no idea how I got there. It slowly gets better....the grief eases. deaths are harder to Remember the good things. Do good things. Give thanks for blessings, as you have been doing. I am am touched by the responses of your many friends here. We have been where you are, and grieve with you. Peace and love. N

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  16. the death of a loved one close to your heart does change you indelibly, taking the time for reflection and kindness to yourself is ultimately the best actions we can do for ourselves. you are in my prayers from Iowa

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  17. Bonnie, thank you for sharing your grieving process with us as painful as it is and was it will get better. Life does go on and just keep on doing what you have been with your spiritual thoughts and prayers. You're such an inspiration to all of your followers!!

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  18. Thanks for what you have shared today. Your thoughts and that poem really struck a chord with me. I have not lost a sibling (which I know would be a whole different experience), but last year we buried my Father and my MIL, so I am still sorting things out here.

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  19. Call the Midwife, oh my! I will prepare with tissues close by. Love that Poem. Pretty baskets to come out to play today. Mysterious has me getting excited for the holidays. Fall is coming way too fast.

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  20. Touched by this! We are walking down the same paths.

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  21. Everyday when we open our little eyes - we are new again. Sometimes we bring a lot of baggage with us but as the days pass, the baggage holds more and more of the good stuff. And Bonnie, for me, you are some of the good stuff. I have grown so used to hearing from you each morning that I truly missed those few mornings you did not share your life with me. You brighten my day each and every day - just by being who you are. So I look forward to what new person you are when you wake - cause it will be good and inspiring and will make me happy. Even when things are heavy, I appreciate you allowing me to watch and learn by how you get thru them. Thank you!

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  22. I loved your post today. I feel the healing that's beginning in your words. We learn about ourselves during times of grief and we change some too...and, hopefully, we come out stronger and better. I wish you good and better days ahead.

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  23. Inspiration in your words today. Thank you!

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  24. Grief is a roller coaster ride: you just never know when you will next swoop up or down, or be hurled left or right! All you can do is just hang on, which you are doing: splendidly, I might add!
    My thoughts, peace and power to you!

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  25. Thinking of you Bonnie, as you travel this road. Thank you for this poem. It speaks volumes.

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  26. Thank-you so much for your words of wisdom that you share with us, no matter how hard life gets. Grief is such a personal thing that totally changes us, but yes we must return to living as those we lose would want us to. My thoughts and prayers are with you. As a military wife told me during a deployment once and I try to remember during those times of uncertainty, "No regrets, always blessing!" Many blessing to you Bonnie!!!

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  27. Thank you for sharing that lovely poem. I, too, am grieving a recent loss and find myself out of sorts. Thank you for showing me a way out.

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  28. Your words today were healing words for me too. Thank you for sharing

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  29. Oh my goodness,I just watched that episode this morning and bawled like a baby. Such a heart wrenching time. Sending my love and continued prayers of comfort and peace.

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  30. Wise Thoughtful Poem. Be kind to yourself, all the rest will fall into it's place. Whether old or new, written and re written. Step forward into the new normal. We all love you here.
    Dahlia

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  31. May our hearts heal, thank you for sharing this Bonnie.

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  32. You make a difference on your blog every day, sharing your experiences and creativity with us all, good and sad. Thousands of us read and feel motivated, even if, like me, we don't often comment. Hugs for the bank, to be withdrawn when you need one. Xxx

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  33. I love reading your blog. I feel like we're sitting across from each other on the front porch - or back porch and sipping coffee as we talk and listen to one another - very comforting.

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  34. You are so sweet to share all the goings on with us. Just know, that what you say touches so many of us. Thank you for sharing all that you do; your heartfelt thoughts, your quilting and your love. Know also, that you too are loved by others who are not your family. Sometimes we need others to help buoy us up.
    In the picture of Quiltville Inn, I was wondering what the brick building in the upper middle right side is? I didn't think that that one was part of your property. Just wondering. Thanks Jean

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  35. Bonnie thank you for this posts and all posts. This one truly was something I needed to hear. I wonder around the house in fog since I lost my husband in July and my brother on September 10th. I don't know what to do or where to go. The pieces of my life are lost right now and I don't really know how to pick them up. I don't sleep well at night with crazy dreams of my lost loved ones. Your words really do explain my feelings. You are figuring out how to put your life back together one piece at a time. It helps me to read how you are doing it so maybe I'll be able to start piecing my life back together too. God bless you and help you through this time of grief and healing.

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  36. Beautiful post today, Bonnie. Thank you!

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  37. Thank you for sharing this poem today. If we have loved, then we are bound to grieve. Grief is the price of great love - I read that once somewhere. It helped me to focus on the love rather than the grief. Keeping you and yours in my prayers.

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