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Thursday, October 20, 2011

Introspective….

I’m still going through my Maine photos! This is one that Carol took of me on our scenic drive back down to Portland!

Thanks so much for the comments over the past couple days. I don’t always include personal conflicts in my posts, but when stuff boils over, I know I do let the words come out of my fingers onto the monitor instead of actually speaking them out of my mouth. It’s cathartic in many ways, and at times I forget that people might actually be reading this thinking “Oh, she shouldn’t have said that” or “I would NEVER tell that mess to the world, it’s too personal.”

But this is who I am. Multi faceted. And sometimes I need to just type things out to get things out and not always worry about what other people will say or think. The people who read my posts are visitors into my world, not the other way around. I need to keep it real to keep my perspective and my sanity.

That said…I was reading and came across this article that listed “10 simple ways to stop yourself from messing up your life!”

Okay. I bit. Of course, I thought NONE of them would apply to me, but they all kinda do in one way or another --- and maybe they will to you too!

Note --- the things in bold italics are my OWN emphasis…

  1. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.
  2. Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.
  3. Ease up on the internal life commentary. If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it’s imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.
  4. Take no notice of your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person. Who cares about your opinion anyway?
  5. Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.
  6. Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.
  7. Stop keeping score. Numbers are just numbers. They don’t have mystical powers. Because something is expressed as a number, a ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn’t mean it’s true. Plenty of lovingly calculated business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish, nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don’t understand it, or it’s telling you something bizarre, ignore it. There’s nothing scientific about relying on false data. Nor anything useful about charting your life by numbers that were silly in the first place.
  8. Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren’t working out the way you planned. The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you’ll go wrong. ((!!)) The world changes constantly. However carefully you analyzed the situation when you made the plan, if it’s more than a few days old, things will already be different. After a month, they’ll be very different. After a year, virtually nothing will be the same as it was when you started. Planning is only useful as a discipline to force people to think carefully about what they know and what they don’t. Once you start, throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.
  9. Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions. To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot. It’s their life. They have to live it. You can’t do it for them; nor can you stop them from messing it up if they’re determined to do so. The job of a supervisor is to help and supervise. Only control-freaks and some others with a less serious mental disability fail to understand this.
  10. Don’t worry about about your personality. You don’t really have one. Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by your mind. It doesn’t exist in the real world. Personality is a word for the general impression that you give through your words and actions. If your personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change it, so long as you allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone’s personality in one place is a determined effort on their part—usually through continually telling themselves they’re this or that kind of person and acting on what they say. If you don’t like the way you are, make yourself different. You’re the only person who’s standing in your way.

And of course the MOM person in me sent it off to Jason because I thought he might need to read it too. In typical Jason fashion, he’s probably rolling his eyes at me and quickly hitting the delete button!

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I took this picture on the way up to Rangeley from Portland! LOOK at that color! Most of it was on the ground by the time we drove back down the Mountain on Monday – but I saw it! I really did!

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Across this lake, toward the Mountain in the back, on a shore that you can’t see, sits Rangeley! Just look at those clouds giving us just a glimpse of blue sky! The colors are so much more vibrant when the sun is shining!

And just like the sweet town on a shore that you can’t quite see….are good things in life that are just around the corner out of sight as well. Keep moving forward!

14 comments:

  1. Good morning, Bonnie. I hope that you're feeling better. Thanks for sharing the 10 steps. I'm on #9 with my oldest son. It can be so hard sometimes. Hang in there. Thanks for all you do. I'm so looking forward to the mystery. I just hope that it's not all to much for you.

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  2. Maybe I missed something because I saw nothing that looked remotely "controversial" in your post from yesterday.
    At any rate - thanks so much for that article today. I am copying it right now to pin up on my wall!

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  3. I just figure..I need to find the positive in every situation. Let us look for the shining ray of light. Today is GREAT because... (fill in the blank). It is a much better way of looking at a day.. We could look at it the other way, but it isn't quite as fulfilling.
    Today is GREAT because I get to see wonderful things made by my bloggy friends.. :) Everyone??

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  4. Hey Bonnie..I am passing this one on to my daughter too. I am guessing it might get the eye roll reaction too but it's not gotta stop me from being the mom.

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  5. Bonnie I feel like a stalker I can't seem to start my day unless I get a Quiltville fix! it's so funny how we can be surrounded by nothing but good and one little thing can bring it all down like a house of cards. I've been reading the Power the sequel book to the secret. I like it since it is about turning negative into positive. The best thing I've taken from it is that positive energy atracts positive energy. That there are ways even with negative situations to find some kind of positive just like acknowledging feelings are feelings and thoughts are thoughts and let it go!

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  6. Thanks for sharing. Don't be concerned about sharing your life with your readers, I like that you keep it real. If you only posted the good stuff it would sound like a fairy tale. You inspire me not only with your quilts, but with your energy and positive attitude.

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  7. I feel like I've just had a talk with my mother--and that is a good thing. She helps me keep it real!
    Love the scenic shots! The fall colors are gorgeous--but it is so fleeting. You have to be there at just the right time--lucky that you were!!

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  8. Anonymous10:54 AM EDT

    Love the 10 simple ways to stop yourself from messing up your life. I'm printing it out and maybe laminating it.
    I start my day with your blog and love reading about your family so please don't stop sharing.
    Have a great day.
    Sue

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  9. Thanks for the great photos of my home state. This is the season I miss the most. i have that book made from that article you quoted and I abide by it always.

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  10. Thanks! I am going through a life crisis right now and this was a great thing to read today.

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  11. Good morning Bonnie!
    As with other comments, I also read your blog during the day every day, usually with a coffee and a comfy seat. It is like sitting across the table with you as you describe the things you see. It is the great thing about the net as I would probably not even got to know you otherwise and that would be a bad thing. It is funny how a simple thing like a sunny day, a hair cut (or pedicure) , a walk through a quilt store or forest can change the way we look at the rest of the day. Every day you inspire me with life! Thanks for the little chats every day!

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  12. Anonymous1:32 PM EDT

    DOn't ever change the way you share. Love the 10 steps too.
    Bev

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  13. Bonnie - this just all makes such perfect sense! I've bookmarked this post for thos times when I need to tell people to get over themselves ;-)
    Keep up the good work!

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  14. The pictures are beautiful. Wish I was there.
    As for the "10 simple ways to stop yourself from messing up your life!"... those were just for me, weren't they! lol

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