Thursday, July 17, 2008

Does this dress make me look fat????

Yes, I've been under a lot of stress with this move since October of last year. My hormones are fluctuating. I have entered the land of hot flashes and night sweats. I'm on medication for this,that and the other thing. I left a strenuous physical job of massage therapy where I burned so many calories a day....to starting a life of traveling and teaching where people feed you and you feel like you want to partake so you don't offend anyone. I admit that part.

I've put on about 20 lbs. I admit that. But what really hurts is when someone has to comment about it in my guestbook? What's that about? "I didn't know you gained so much weight, WOW!" Is this something you say to someone to their face?

The whole weight issue has me so depressed as it is, and this is supposed to help me...how?

Why are we so judgemental about weight? I have a good friend who's daughter is dealing with anorexia. Her whole self esteem is wrapped around her size and weight. She took her scale on vacation. She eats lettuce with ketchup. I don't know exactly why, but is our weight so important, a number or size so important, that we can look past the person inside to judge them by their outside? We judge people if they are too skinny. We judge people if they are too fat.

How about we judge people for being cruel for judging others. In other words, I might be able to change my weight, but to the person(s) who commented on it, can you change your personality?

I love Tricia Yearwood. She has a song that rings so true to me:

don't buy the lines in magazines
That tell me what I've gotta be
Don't base my life on a movie screen
Don't fit the mold society
Has Planned

I don't need to be 19 years old
Or starve myself for some weight I'm told
Will turn men's heads, been down that road
And I thank God I finally know
Just who I am

I ain't a movie star
May never see the view from where they are
And this old town may be as far as I'm goin'
But what he'll hold tonight in his hands
He swears is so much better than
Anything this old world
Can show him

Cause I'm a real live woman
In love with this man I see lyin' here next to me
Lost in the way that he's holdin'
This real live woman
In the arms of a man where I'll fall asleep knowin' there's
Nothin' on earth he loves more than
This real live woman

I work 9-5 and I can't relate
To millionaires who somehow fate
Has smiled upon and fortune made their
Common lives a better place to be

And I no longer justify
Reasons for the way that I behave
I offer no apologies
For the things that I believe and say
And I like it that way

Cause I'm a real live woman
In love with this man I see lyin' here next to me
Lost in the way that he's holdin'
This real live woman
In the arms of a man where I'll fall asleep knowin' there's
Nothin' on earth he loves more than
This real live woman


  1. Maybe that person took the "Snips by Others" literally!
    What a jerk!
    You look marvelous!

  2. Sigh. The anonymity of the internet is not always a good thing. Then again I've known people who would say that to your face and call it being honest. I would call it being rude, personally... I'm sorry someone was so careless with your feelings. Incidentally, I've been a sporadic reader up until just recently, so I don't have a mental image of you from a year ago. I'm looking at all these photos from your wonderful trip and thinking its hard to believe you've gained twenty pounds. (And, if we're inclined to be super-generous, we could assume the person who left the hurtful comment didn't realize it was going to be hurtful because they were thinking that you still look good, just different from a year ago. I know its a stretch, but I'm going to go ahead and tell myself that so I can go to bed tonight feeling better about our little world here in blogland.)

  3. That's awful! I can't believe someone would say that to you! I surely didn't notice but I wasn't looking and I'd be real happy if all I'd gained was 20 pounds! :( But, the weight doesn't change who I am and it doesn't change who you are. It is really hard to lose weight when traveling and eating all the yummy food. Dang it . . I can't believe someone would be so rude!

  4. People can be tactless and thoughtless...sometimes unintentionally. Weight is a sore spot with me as well. I get a lot of the "you have SUCH a pretty face" type of comment.

    Add to this, we are going on a 9 day cruise that will be filled with tanned, toned bodies dressed to impress...and then there will be me! lol

    Bonnie, ya look great (well, aside from looking in that picture like you're about to pass out from too much quilty fun!) Try not to let a comment get you down and I'll try to follow my own advice about this too!! lol

    Lori in VA

  5. I'm so sorry your feelings were hurt Bonnie, sometimes people just don't have their edit button on. I have to say that I hadn't even noticed any change in your pictures.
    I am someone who's weight can fluctuate, and it is certainly not something that needs to be pointed out, I'm already most painfully aware. I tell my kids all the time 'Don't feel the need to express every thought in your head - think about how your statement will make others feel'.
    I'm sending big hugs your way, I love you to bits, no matter what.

  6. *hugs* I like you however you are -- you are a kind, generous person, who gives of themselves, views life positively, and shares that joy. You are a creative, energetic person, brave to "start over". You are honest, make mistakes and own up to them -- You are a full fledged human being, a work in progress, a beloved child and parent. You are a model to many, and the envy of some.

  7. Bonnie,
    I can't believe someone would say that! How rude ~ but I love your comment that you can change your weight, can they change their personality.

    What a great attitude! NOT that I think you need it, because added weight or not (and I still can't see any added weight...I think its in your head!), but I've been reading a book that I find extremely interesting called Intuitive Eating.

    Off to vote in your poll about your book! :)

  8. Who, with any upbringing or class, says that to another person. There are so many other things that are more important. How you live not how you eat or what you do for others, not what you weigh are the important questions. You are my hero, our fearless leader and we all respect your talent. Look at all that you are giving to us, with nothing expected in return. Don't sweat the "small" people out there.....

  9. I just love your attitude! I, too am going through these hot flashes and night sweats and hormonal things. I can not take anything for it. This is my first visit with you and I will be back.

  10. Bonnie, I can count on your blog to inspire and teach me, to make me giggle and put a smile on my face. Shame on the person that was mean to you, it saddens me. Don't worry about those 20 pesky lbs. Maybe you will lose them as you settle into your new life. Otherwise, so what, you are defined by sooooo much more. I think of you as a fabulous and inspiring quilter. You look happy and healthy to me just as you are.

  11. That was sooooo not right,,I think you look wonderful, be yourself and don't change, life is too short to worry about small stuff..things will fall into place... I love reading your blog and seeing all your great quilts and pictures...Thanks,,Luv Lise

  12. I think you are a very pretty woman, and you look great. Maybe she was just tactless, or maybe she was trying to be helpful.
    Hopefully, she wasn't an unhappy person and trying to bring you down, too. Whatever the motivation, it was unfortunate, and unnecessary. If her intentions were good, I'm sure she is feeling bad, probably worse than she made you feel, as you can feel the love, and she isn't getting that. I can feel a big warm hug coming out of blogland for you.

  13. Bonnie,
    You look great, just like a real woman, so relax. If the 20 lbs. is worrisome, get back into the exercise and focus on health. You are such a fabulous person, don't let judgmental people get to you. I've been fighting this battle all of my adult life and feel your pain, but you can't let other people wreck your day.

  14. Bonnie, you look fabulous and anyone who makes a mean comment has no business doing that. And, as you said, consider the source. You are an inspiration to so many (including ME) and you add to so many people's lives. Who wants to be so caught up in weight issues that you travel with your scale? Better to fill your suitcase with fabric!

  15. bonnie, you look fabulous. Don't let mean people get you down.

  16. THAT IS CRAZY TALK!! I am offended for you and on behalf of women everywhere. I am so SICK AND TIRED of the looks-ism and size-ism of our country. I recently lost some weight because of concerns regarding high blood pressure and diabetes, and the reactions I get are disturbing. I have heard, to my face, oh, you look so much better now, you weren't looking to good last time I saw you. or, you look a lot better now. do you think you will keep it off?

    Are people nuts? Don't they have enough to worry about in their own life without stirring stuff up in other people??

    I don't even know you and yet through your website I know enough about you that I appreciate you for your caring, your talent, your sharing spirit. I would not care if you weighed 92 pounds or 392 pounds. When will we learn that the inside IS the person?? argh.

  17. You? Fat? No! Oh pfffffff! Just ignore whoever it was.

  18. What ever happened to civility and good manners? In our society, it often seems that common courtesy is a thing of the past. Too many people say that they "don't have a filter". That's just an excuse to be rude.

  19. I avidly read your blog every day, and was shocked to see your entry about the comment that had been made, as I was expecting the latest instalment of your fab trip. I LOVE your blog, your quilts are so inspiring, I love your approach and I just cannot believe that anybody having visited your blog cannot find anything else to comment on but your weight - this person CANNOT be a quilter surely! You sound as if you lead a fantastic life, I really envy you for being able to combine your work with your hobby, and any negative personal comments smacks of sour grapes to me! You look great!

  20. You look great!!! I have a feeling that person is jealous of your success, popularity and talent. That person deserves our sympathy for her empty and sad life

    I've been a fan of yours for years and have made quilts from your scrap patterns.

  21. I think the word of the Day is MANNERS. My favorite Designer (Bradley Bayou) wrote a book "The Science of Sexy". He does not use any models who wear under a size 6.
    He thinks their sick.

    Please read this book. (in your spare time) ??? Do you have any? lol! Its very interesting. I think you would enjoy it.

    To the person who made this comment- look up this word KINDNESS!

  22. I agree with the previous LADIES, it's all about manners. There is no excuse for being rude. You look great Bonnie. Hot flashes and night sweats are a fact of life (to say nothing of the stresses of moving) and our bodies change as we age. It sure beats the alternative! Thank you for all you give to those of us fortunate enough to have found your blog and website.

  23. Some people aren't happy until they've made everyone else just as unhappy as they are.

    There's a big world of weird-o's out there...then there's us.

    I don't mind "fluffy" being my style, and my hubby says, "I love my big girl." It just can't get any better than that.

  24. Hi Bonnie,
    I've just found my way back here after being away from quilting for a couple of years. I love your work!I can't believe someone would say something so hurtful to you. I have been having some of the same feelings you describe, exactly, and I really understand what you are talking about. That said, I think you look wonderful, certainly not overweight.Sometimes people can be so thoughtless.

  25. I see no fat Bonnie all I see is a wonderful person. Whoever left that post is a full fledged jerk and don't deserve the time of day from you.

  26. The thing that makes me maddest is that you were on a high from such a fun trip and this nasty person has brought you down from that! How dare they? Just forget it - press delete and tell us more about your wonderful life!!!

    ps When I was 12, my Dad died, a family friend took me under his wing when I was having a tough time with friends at school, he said "think about who said what to you. If you respect them, take it on board and perhaps do something. If you don't, just ignore it. Think about where the criticism is coming from and then decide". Those are words I live by. Those who truly love (and respect you) don't even see a few pounds. I don't and quite frankly I don't care for such comments on a QUILTY blog!!!!

  27. Bonnie,

    If you put on 20 lbs where is it? I hadn't noticed and frankly I don't really notice things like that. As a woman who has been heavy her entire life (and I know it and I should do something about it); I have decided that a person who has to point out your perceived flaw is only doing so to make sure their own flaws are not noticed.

    Hugs and love!

  28. Anonymous8:25 AM EDT

    Can't say anything the previous commenters haven't already said. People are strange--that's for sure. Don't let it ruin your day.

  29. I'm so sorry that a random comment hurt you so much ~ I am all too often disappointed by the overwhelming lack of good manners...

    You are NOT alone ~ many (!) of us share your anger, outrage, and frustration.

    I hope the "what goes around comes around" theory MORE than applies to the unkind person who made that remark to you!

  30. Bonnie
    Some people are just rude - on the internet and in person - we love you for what's on the inside!!!

  31. Being unkind is so ugly, and shame on who ever made such a nasty remark.DO NOT let them drag you down !! We all are enjoying you and all you do and certainly appreciate your blog, obviously YOU have a life, maybe that's what the person that wrote that nasty
    comment needs to do, get a life !!!!!!!!!! Bobbin

  32. Oh Bonnie, this person is horrible and obviously has their own wicked issues. While on vacation in AZ with a temp of 120 my cousin/traveling compainion said she was going to go work out. I said it was too hot (We're Wisconsin girls afterall!!). She looked at me an told me I could really use quite a few good workouts. It's 10 years later and that still rings in my head. I did weight watchers a few years back. I was over weight but it was because I never learned how to eat. I lost weight and looked fantastic but I wasn't happy and WW almost turned into it's own eating disorder for me. I was one extreme or the other. For about a year after that I ate like I was never going to be able to have food again. I'm overweight but I'm happy. I'm unhappy that my clothes don't fit right; but I'd rather be happy. Right now; being thin just isn't in the cards for me. I'm too afraid to go back to that WW eating disorder; I wish I could be one of those people who could do it part way; but I turned into a food nazi and an exercise freak in a bad, bad way.

  33. Bonnie, you're beautiful! And that song you quoted brought tears to my eyes.

    I love your blog and read it daily. I'm such a fan of yours that when you were up in Virginia recently I urged my sister in DC to find a way to get to your class. (She didn't make it... She's a very recent quilter, and hasn't yet gotten involved with guilds or classes or anything... I was just jealous that she COULD have gone!)

    I hope to take one of your classes someday... I'm looking towards March 2009 in Olympia, WA. (I live in Los Angeles.)

    In all your pictures and through all your writing you shine beautifully. I'm sorry that someone made a rude (inexcusable) comment about weight -- they had no place to do that.

    We all love you!

  34. Bonnie,
    You not only look wonderful, you are wonderful! Just keep smiling.


  35. I have been reading your site for a few months, and I absolutely love it. You are an inspiration to so many people. You've written things that are personal, that show the real you, and I think you're amazing. You're exactly right about those who are cruel, they can't and won't change their personalities, and probably think they don't need to!! Life is too short!! Thank you for sharing your life with us!

  36. Sometimes I really wonder if some women (men too, but we're talking 'bout women here) never matured past seventh grade! This one sure sounds like it! Does that dress make Ms. RudePants look like an inconsiderate, socially retarted twit? Um, as a matter of fact, yes.
    Love yourself and consider the source.

  37. Too bad all these people that love you can't go hunt the twit down and teach her some manners. (Thanks Mocha Monsterpants for giving me the perfect G- rated word.)

  38. Personally Bonnie I think you are quite thin! It all depends on the lens one is looking through and really your own lens is the most important, if you feel good then ignore RUDE people. It just isn't their business to post negatively about how you look--the nerve!
    Congrats on Mark's salute to you, you know you have arrived when you get in Mark's magazine! Keep on quilting!

  39. The extent of some peoples stupidity and rudeness is mind blowing. I wonder if the person who wrote such a tasteless comment would have enough courage to post an apology and publicly leave their name and blog/email??? Probably not...you don't get good internet connections while living under a ROCK.

    I met you Bonnie at the East Cobb Quiltville workshop..and I think you are gorgeous, inside and out!


  40. My gosh... in my case it's probably what people are thinking when they see me for the first time after several years absence. Thank goodnesss they don't say it outloud. My husband loves me to the moon and back, I have wonderful friends, and a good life. I'd rather spend my time making quilts than in the gym sweating with unfriendly people like you encountered. Happy is way better than skinny.

  41. I've actually lost almost 30 lbs since last December really in a goal to be healthier not thinner, which is why I'm on the treadmill every night. But I'll never be thin-thin. It's not in my genes or jeans for that matter. My favorite response over this time was a well meaning coworker who said, "Wow, you've lost a ton of weight." I had to laugh out loud at that one. Like, what does it say about me before? I was happy then, I'm happy now.

  42. girl you look great. You look happy, satisfied, and content. I don't notice size, but when you mentioned it I looked and I think you look fine. I think a woman is not made to be stick thin. My son tells me I'm "soft" LOL I guess thats why he's six and still wants to snuggle on my lap. Don't sweat it :) And yay for your mag shout out that is awesome, I'd pee my pants LOL. xoxo melzie

  43. Miss Bonny,
    Been reading your blog for a couple of years now and your posts always make me smile.
    I can't help but feel a bit bad for the person who made that comment. She's probably not to happy about herself :(

    And just because one cannot hear it enough...here you go... You are a gorgeous lady :)

  44. There's little else to say about someone who is so inconsiderate and rude. Was this woman raised by wild animals? Is she so perfect that she feels she was sent to judge others? No. We all know that. Carry your head high and know that you are beautiful, inside and out... you are, you're a child of God!

  45. Bonnie, I was back tracking on your blog a bit to see what I had missed. Such a busy gal you are. When do you come up for air?
    What goes around comes around... I think that the person must have a self esteme problem if they feel that they need to pick on others. Maybe they are just not being able to deal with the fact that you have a life! To bad for them. Keep doing what your doing, as long as it makes you and yours happy. That is the only way to live your life. Not for someone who can't even bother to say something mean and then not own up to it personally.
    Hang in there. Life makes us go up and down in different things.
    Like you I have a good friend that has a daughter who started in jr. high obsessing about her weight because a teacher told her she was getting chunky! The girl couldn't have weighed more than 95 at the time. She has graduated High School and well, probably weighs the same amount now. Money spent on theropy and many, many hospitalizations and many sleepless nights have brought this family to realize that it is important what you say to people. So they need to learn not to judge. Life comes at us all pretty hard sometimes, some of us (meaning me) gain weight, some gain ulcers (one of my daughters!) and others... are able to use their sewing as their theropy. (sorry I can't spell worth a hoot!) Hang in there. Don't forget to take time for you! Breath, breath, let it out............

  46. How to lose weight? Free yourself of unhealthy relationships and misconceptions. I spent 10 long years as a size 7, in an unhealthy relationship with my ex-husband - a man who expected perfection from everyone and every thing. How did I stay so slender? Depression, stress, low self-esteem, self-doubt, feelings of being unloved, lack of affection and attention, lack of appetite, people pleasing... I'll stop there. Several years after my divorce I met a man who loves me more than life, accepts me as I am, cooks for me, takes care of me, respects me and is my best friend. The cost? Twenty pounds. Finding happiness again meant enjoying dinners, spending lazy days at home enjoying each other's company, feeling good about myself and knowing that the man who loves me doesn't care that I'm now a size 10. Don't believe the hype. Rude "weight" comments are nothing more that scare and control tactics meant to get a rise out of the intended target. You have friends, you have family, you're beautiful and some people simply find that threatening - so much so that they try to bring you down a peg or two. Be strong and know that you are so much more than the flesh you carry around.

  47. I bet my mother-in-law posted that. She likes to look at our wedding pictures and say, "Look how fat both of y'all were". Not really sure why she feels the need to say that. Weird if you ask me.

    I haven't even noticed you gained weight either. I've gained 20 lbs due to medication I'm on and I'm miserable. I hate it. I understand how you're feeling.

    I hope you know you're loved and creepy people who post mean things on kind hearted blogs can go eat a box of donuts and leave people alone.

  48. Huh? I don't see ANY fat people in those pictures! What is Miss Not-Manners talking about?

    Here is a poem I love by that wonderful woman, Lucille Clifton:

    homage to my hips

    these hips are big hips
    they need space to
    move around in.
    they don't fit into little
    petty places. these hips
    are free hips.
    they don't like to be held back.
    these hips have never been enslaved,
    they go where they want to go
    they do what they want to do.
    these hips are mighty hips.
    these hips are magic hips.
    i have known them
    to put a spell on a man and
    spin him like a top!

    So there!


  49. Anonymous10:41 PM EDT

    yes yes yes yes yes yes how many times do you want to hear it you look fat

  50. my 2 cents - I think you look great! Then again, I'm looking at that great big smile on your face - happiness is what *really* counts.

  51. I know this is an old bog post but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I think the person who commented needs glasses. And yes judging others on their size is wrong. I"m so pleased you mentioned both sides of the story, meaning those who have issue with being too thin as well as over weight. I have the latter and it hurst when others think and say your way to thin, you look sick , you look really old when your thin. etc etc, Thanks Bonnie. I Think you look great!! A smile is all you need! :) Wendy

  52. Well Bonnie, I think you look great. There must be something terribly wrong in that persons life to be so unhappy as to try and hurt someone as upbeat as you. You are such a happy, caring person and where would we be with out your generosity? Please don't let folks like that take you down. Stay happy and focused. We all love you..


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