I took a good long time out for some of this yesterday.
Dare I say that I needed it as much as Lola did.
She has this uncanny ability of knowing just what I'm talking about. She listens. She purrs. She looks at me with the wisdom of the ages. She reads my thoughts.
She doesn't stick her nose into my business and tell me how to run things, what I should or shouldn't be doing. She allows me to talk it through and make the best decision for myself and for my business.
And then she lets me live with the consequences.
Funny thing, this whole internet and social media aspect of life. I find myself the email target of random people who want to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing with my life.
The whole exchange started as a nosey email about my renting Quiltville Inn during Covid.
"Are you having retreats during this time of increased Covid cases in almost all States including NC and Virginia? If so how many people are you having on each weekend? Which guidelines do you follow, Virginia or NC or both?"
I can understand people's concerns. I have explained time and time again that we are within state and county guidelines, and safer than any other open venue be it a restaurant, store or a church.
My problem is that I looked at this email as once again a chance to educate and to dispel fears. There is a way for folks to retreat safely. Self quarantine, wear a mask, don't shop on your way here, stay here once you get here, sew 6 feet apart, sanitize, sanitize, sanitize, but that doesn't seem to matter.
It turned into a diatribe of replies from "Donna" whom the rest of the world would nod and knowingly call "Karen."
I knew I shouldn't have replied - not even the first time. I should have sensed the barbs from the first email and sent it directly to spam. But I didn't that time. Nor the second time - and telling this person to please mind their own business made it worse. I became a target.
I should know better. You don't have to attend every email argument you are invited to, Bonnie!
"How can you encourage gatherings when people are home struggling to stay alive and keep a roof over their heads? Or are planning funerals for love ones in the same family. Do you really think anyone would quarantine for 4 weeks to go on a quilting retreat? No in-person schooling. No visits for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can go on but you don’t want to hear it. I hope I don’t hear about a new cluster in your corner of the world."
Folks are quarantining for 2 weeks before coming. I never said 4 weeks. It has always been 2, and it is doable. And people ARE doing it. And if they don't want to, they don't come.
But I still don't see why that is any random person's business who lives nowhere near here, and isn't even planning on visiting Quiltville Inn ever - why does it matter so much?
Where I live - this area? 19 people per SQUARE MILE. That's our population. We are socially distant every day.
But again, I don't need to explain myself, and I shouldn't have replied once again telling her that I am within state and county guidelines and to please mind her own business in her own corner of the world.
"All I know is that you are a business person who is not following guidelines. One of many. We will never get this under control if we ALL don’t follow the guidelines. Many quilt businesses have gone on-line to stay afloat. Enlarge your website. Sell more. Have more classes on-line. What about business grants, which is different in every state. There are many things you can do without gathering people and having additional costs on the weekends. "
How does she know that I am not following guidelines? She doesn't live here. Why is my business a concern?
So needless to say, it is my own fault for answering in the first place - a reminder to mark as spam so nothing comes to the inbox ever again, and delete, delete, delete, delete.
No one is being forced to come. And bills must be paid. I will continue to run my life following guidelines and keeping things as safe as possible, but folks need to be responsible for their own lives as well, and not shove their opinions down other people's throats.
Dear Donna-Karen: Stop being a busybody and please worry about your own area and state, wherever you live. Your area may be different than mine.
I didn't ask anyone for business advice, and if I needed it - it's not likely I'd ask you.
If and when I need to change my business plan, it will be in my own way - something that will work with my life, my area, my family.
I have finally sent that email exchange to "SPAM" so no more replies will find their way into my inbox.
Why am I typing this here? Because this blog is my journal. My life. And if I don't just type this out and nip it in the bud it will explode.
I have a busy day ahead. I want to enjoy it and breathe freely, not hold it all inside.
The Donnas and Karens are all out there watching everything we do, forming opinions, and they feel free to shoot off an email or two telling us all how to live our lives. What is the world coming to?
After all of the "must dos" were taken care of yesterday, the only thing I had time for on the quilty side was getting the Nearly Lemoyne quilt partially loaded.
As I am spending today on the road to Wallburg and back, the rest of the loading will likely happen tomorrow.
In the mean time, I am undecided how I am going to quilt this yet, so I'll let that play on my brain during my 200 mile round trip jaunt.
Calming my nerves through the stitches.
Stitching in the evenings is the icing on the cake for my day. There is still so much to do on this quilt, but it is so easy to pick it up and sew for a while as I am not having to mark anything.
And no matter what comes undone in my day to day life - the stitches that I put in, how few or how many there be, will still be there when I come back to it.
Quiltville Quote of the Day -
We can always do a little more!
As for the journey part, yes, look for the positive things you wish to remember about 2020 so you can tell the story of how we survived through it all!
(Yes, and I know that some experiences, like the busybody business above is not positive, but did I learn something from it?)
We are living and making history every day.
The rest of this day is going to be AWESOME!
247 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 247 of 247Donna and Karen need to take up quilting so they have something to do with there free time.
Good for you. I hate drama and I don't usually get involved with others issues. It is no ones business but your own how you run your business.
I am so sorry you had to go through that! Yet another example of people who think THEY know everything and we know nothing & that we actually WANT their twisted opinion. Thank you for all you do! Your postings are always loving, caring & thoughtful and I look forward to each and every one! We appreciate you! Deb
Love love love all the comments and agree 100% with them. If ‘Karen’ has a problem, don’t come to your Inn and she should just move on. Hugs to you!
That goes for me, too. Donna-Karen needs a life! At 66 years old I have never understood why people think it is their right to tell me how to live my life. I think she is one unhappy person and wants to make other people unhappy. Would I quarantine for 2 weeks to be able to come to a retreat at Quiltville Inn, you better believe it!
You're right....you should have never responded to her comments. We need to engage in the world and a quilt retreat is what I need right now. Don't shut down Quiltville. You're providing a needed relief for all who attend.
Love ya Bonnie. I have found that people who are overly critical of others are usually unhappy people. They have ruined their lives and try to make others miserable so their own life doesn't seem so bad. Don't let negative people get to you. Just ignore them and keep smiling and enjoying YOUR LIFE. That will irritate them even more. Keep on smiling, it helps keep the wrinkles away.
Bonnie, As you already know, quilters everywhere love you and all the things you do to make life exciting for us. Please ignore all those who are jealous and just want to try to upset you. We know you are doing everything you can to keep yourself and us healthy during your retreats. Lots of us enjoy your blog every day just to see what you are up to. You inspire us to get more quilting done. So, hit that spam button & don't give those "Donnas-Karens" another thought. Hugs to you, Ivy, & Zoey Jo.
I want to start a 'Not THAT Donna" club also. I so admire your blog and the values you express. I put you on today's gratitude list. Donna in CA
You have my support! Wish I could attend one of your retreats!
Not much to add except, How did you find such great cartoons to add to your blog! So appropriate! Don't let the negative comments from others get you down, just block them! Such busy bodies!
As a friend told me long ago: Opinions are like "A" Holes, everybody has one. Hopefully this brings a smile to your face. I've done 2 small retreats were we practiced safe distancing and I am pleased to report that not one of us got sick and I'm planning to do another one next weekend. Don't let anyone steal your "Joy"!
Ditto to all the good things you do!! And as was said above; KEEP GOING however YOU want. All those haters can go straight to HE double L.
Bonnie, you are doing all the right things in keeping the retreaters safe. And sometimes us quilters are taking a risk in attending the quilt retreats, events or classes. As long as I am wearing the masks and carry hand sanitizers, I am still safe from the coronavirus and still enjoying going to quilt events.
I know it shouldn't be a thing, but... I am truly amazed at people who think that what they think, say and do are the backbone of the world.
I for one (many more than one) delight in your day to day doings, coming and going, enjoying life as you should. You have uplifted so many people in these downturned times. It is a delight to come into your world and see all that you have been up to and experienced.
Keep smiling, please keep sharing, there are so many more who love you and what you do than those who think it's their way or the highway.
I live in NM. My step-son and family live in NC. I'm already figuring out how I could quarantine there then attend a retreat at your place. Anything is doable if you really want it.
I still can’t believe people think it is ok to pass judgement (unsolicited) on something that has absolutely nothing to do with them. I ask myself everyday ‘what is this world coming to?” Prayers for peace and creativity! ❤️❤️
I so agree with this comment. You are an awesome lady and are very appreciated !!
LOLA FOR PRESIDENT
xoxo
As a long time follower of yours all I have to say is HUGS, this seems to happen for different reasons as the weather/season changes. Enjoy all around you, you worked hard for it.
I've always thought you had your sh-t together as far as hosting quilting groups, to be honest. YOur guests actually know each other, don't they, so the only unknown persons they might affect would be YOU. And you don't want that, so you're careful. We are all living in this strange time where I wish other people would wear their masks properly, or wear their masks at all. I am at risk, so I wish I could just reach out with my wooden spoon and bop them all into compliance. But I can't, all I can do is protect myself and stay home, which doesn't seem fair. I understand the urge to contribute my own two cents. However, I will never understand the TROLLS who dare to reach out to people they don't know and they will never meet and criticizing what they are doing. I used to smoke -- random people would often suggest that I quit smoking. I used to ask them (acquaintances), "Do you love me?" They would look at me and say "What?" Then I would laugh and say "You are only allowed to criticize me if you love me, so hush up." It usually worked.
I don't normally comment but YES! I'm so over the "if you're not freaking out about all of this then you don't care about anyone" attitude. Maybe the rest of us are just capable of proceeding sanely without the need to signal to the world that we are super virtuous--in fact, more virtuous than everyone around us. (Hubs calls it virtue-signaling). I am sorry you've had to deal with her but thank you for being strong and voicing what the huge silent majority would like to!
You did just the right thing. I love your blog and your spirit and your ideas.
I do hope the rest of your week will be a wonderful blessing.
Bonnie, you can't do any more when dim people don't or won't process the information you have already provided!!! You have described ad nauseum the precautions you take and the precautions others are required to take to utilize the Inn and she still didn't 'hear' it. So the spam folder is a good final resting place for her willful ignorance. Also agree that today is being awesome. We are having a nice Indian summer in MD. And can't wait to see the Nearly LeMoyne reveal.
So sorry you had to deal with such a mean person! You have brightened many of my days just reading your posts. Thank you!!!
Sending love, hugs and "keep on doing what you're doing" prayers from Nevada.
I've found that after I get mad at someone and something like that, then I find it in my heart to see their response as their own fear and anxiety in such an anxious, anxious time. It doesn't excuse her, but it may help understand her.
Bonnie - I wish I could quarantine for 2 weeks and come visit your inn - I can’t however I trust you more than most businesses out there right now so if I could I would be there in a heartbeat - you go girl!!!!
Thank you for being so gentle and kind even though you have been treated poorly. Inside of me is a Donna/Karen voice that watches the world thru a hyper-critical eye and would like a magic wand to make everyone act the way I think they should....everyone but me, that is. I hate admitting that I have this voice inside of me and I am comforted by the fact that it is not the only voice that I have and sometimes, on a good day, it is not even the loudest of my inner voices. But oh that need to be right and to tell someone what I think is just awful. And embarrassing. And counterproductive. Is it my mother's voice? Who knows? I try to keep it quiet as much as possible and now I hope I will try even harder. I will tell that cranky child inner voice, "honey, you probably have a point here but now is not the time to worry about this. Let's go sew something nice for someone."
Thank you, Bonnie!
3:25 PM EDT
'Covidiots' hahahahaha!!!!!!
Bonnie, w
We here in GA LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, your blog for keeping it real! Thanks for being YOU, and for all you do to keep us happy quilters sewing along with your inspiration!!! Theresa P.
ps...I would love to come to one of your retreats and would gladly do what ever I had to just to sit in your retreat and sew! I would feel totally safe!
Yea Bonnie, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Keep on doing what you are doing in the quilt world and your life. You are a wonderful person and precious to all of us. We block many unsolicited calls and numbers these days from people we really don't know what they are up to. Those types are just not worth it.
Mighty keyboard warriors fearlessly striking out from the anonymity of the Internet. Also known as “trolls”. You have shown her the door by sharing your feelings here, amongst friends. No more free lodging here. Such a small sad life that person must live.
You are a jewel and your blog is always inspirational - I love how much you love your sweet fur babies and that you share your outdoor time with us as well as updates on making Quiltville Inn such a beautiful place for a retreat. Keep on doing exactly what you are doing!
She sounds either insecure or jealous to me. Those 2 emotions tend to turn people into bullies. She probably wishes she had thought of doing things like you are doing and feels inadequate. Sadly, instead of trying to change herself she's trying to change you. The Taylor Swift song keeps coming to mind "Shake It Off" because "The haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate." Do you and hopefully she will mature and be able to do her. Let it go - you're doing fine.
RIGHT ON SISTER!!
Bonnie,
You are doing all the right things. Just breathe. Know that we all wish we could do what you so lovingly do every day - Quilt-create-enjoy the beauty of the new place - i even showed my husband the gorgeous pictures of the new Inn, I envy your go and get power. You were right to post and get it all out. If everyone were to mind their own business they wouldnt have time to mind yours. Hugs. Whew.
I have to wonder if this Donna/Karen has a business similar to yours and is not being allowed to open at all. That might set her off and she's jealous because your area is different to what hers is.
Don't let someone like that bring you down. We count on your outlook!
Bonnie, I don't know if it is my training from our school system or what, but I always think I have to "answer the question" so to speak. It took me many years to realize that I don't have to respond to inappropriate questions or comments. I have over the years have had people inquire about my sex life ,my age, my financial status, my political opinions and on it goes. Just because I don't answer you doesn't mean i don't have an opinion or guidelines for my life. I have been in your classes and have heard people ask you questions I thought inappropriate. Stay cool, Bonnie. There is no need to answer fools or support your lifestyle and decisions. YOU ARE NOT ON TRIAL! PS I think you are fun. loving, sweet, smart and kind... No comment from you is needed... HAHA
It truly boggles my mind how some people think it is their business to set someone straight on what they are doing. I have said from the beginning of this pandemic that people need to work they can't go forever without an income. You have found a way that seems perfectly reasonable to get your business going again
and I think that is great.
Bonnie, thanks for all you do and give. I look forward to reading all your great posts and have enjoyed making your quilts you give to us. Have some of your books that I go to often. The Donnas of the world make me crazy-keep on keeping on and again thank you!
This episode shows how wise Bonnie was to keep her retreaters private...so they are not harrassed by these mean-spirited social media trolls.
Apparently Donna-Karen's not a quilter! I would do anything to be able to come to your retreat.
Your retreats are probably safer for people than anywhere else we can go. Ignore the ignorant. Thousands more people support you and what you are doing than existing naysayers.
As one of the lucky retreat attendees at Quiltville Inn, all precautions were taken by everyone and not on e of the 12 strangers, now friends, have gotten sick. Bonnie you are a very gracious hostess and deserve to live this dream. Don't let the Karens of this world change you in any way. They aren't worth it.
Sorry people think they should tell you what to do. Hopefully you are getting lots of good feedback. You are free to do as you feel best. Have a great week and do what is best for YOU!
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