That might not sound like any big deal to you…..but since April 1st….I’ve not had a day home…ALONE!
The Hubster recently received a promotion to a new position. Where he was plant controller before, he’s moved a step above being responsible for one plant, and now works assisting many, and he is doing much of his work from his home office here at the house, with the thought that he would be traveling intermittently plant to plant to plant as needed.
My big worry when he took this position was that when I was gone, he would be home. When I was home, he would be gone…..but after a month of not having ANY time at home alone to do things for myself by myself ((and having to account for it)) an impromptu trip to the Wilmington, NC plant came up and I found myself home alone for all of today, all of tomorrow, and most of Wednesday!
I guess all this working from home is to get me accustomed to what it will be like when we retire.
It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just that I don’t know what to do with myself! It’s just different!
Does that sound selfish?
I guess I feel like my time is not my own, and if he is working, I should be working – because it feels wrong to have “down time” relaxing for ME…when he is in the office working away. I feel like I can’t take “time out” in the middle of the day to put my feet up and take a few leisurely stitches when I too *SHOULD* be working at REAL WORK.
It’s an adjustment.
Life is about adjustments.
So if anyone has any advice for me on how to balance all this “under-the-same-roof-ness” when we aren’t accustomed to it…please let me know!
As for my home alone time? I made the best of it today!
The mail order is all caught up and out.
I had a massage!
I met with Karen and Lisa to discuss things regarding our Collaboration Celebration coming up in August! Click HERE for more info! ((You ARE coming, aren’t you?!? There are a few slots left! I’d love to have you come!))
I’ve been to Sam’s and bought more computer stuff – back up hard drive, a new version of Microsoft Office ((The old one had been installed and reinstalled too many times and the license was expired..I HATE that they do that!)) and a couple of blouses for my IRELAND trip coming up!
Bank deposit – DONE…..laundry….running!
I plan on spending the evening with my feet up, in charge of the remote and working on a binding ---because NO ONE is here working away in the home office making me feel guilty about doing it!
Enjoy your Monday evening, everyone…..tomorrow night…QUILT-CAM! 9 pm Eastern!
42 comments:
enjoy your time alone!!!!!
When you are both home - agree to go your separate ways and do whatever you need to do, and plan on a meeting time together at the end of the day. The best of both worlds . . . Sue K
When we retired and moved out to the lake, one of my neighbors came over to meet us. After we got to know each other I asked her about the 24/7 time together.
Her advice to me was "just remember your married for life but not for lunch" LOL.
And that advice works right into the plan of retirement out here. It takes time but it works.
Ana in Tx
Totally understand :) I tell my husband that when he retires, he's going to be a "Walmart greeter" !!!
My hubs is retired but "works" at home on his computer buy stocks to make us money. So---he is not "free" till after 1pm, so if we need to do errands or such together it is in the afternoon. It's almost as if he's working, we are always together at dinner and after 8pm for TV time together. I am free to go "where ever" during the day or sew, in between laundry and other house hold chores. Just do your thing, with no guilt.
I'm going to start having that problem this fall when we move to MO, my husband will be able to keep his job and work from home. My problem is that I am not a quiet person and I have the radio on all of the time, I talk to my cats incessantly, so I'm hoping to find a home with an office maybe above the garage so he can have quiet while working. LOL
Bill worked from home for about 11 years before retirement. The rule here was that when he went downstairs to his office, he was gone. If he came upstairs, I could talk to him. Otherwise, no. On the other hand, I was not willing to be a cafeteria. He was responsible for his own lunch. It worked for us.
Good luck!
My hubbhas always been working from home. I do my own thing, nap when I want etc. and I don't do lunch either.
I can't offer advice on having the hubster around working all the time, but from what you've described of your day it all sounds like it is related to your work....even the massage.
My hubs and I work together. We live where we work as well. Days off alone are indeed RARE! I am lucky enough to have my sewing machine double as my office desk. I sew all day and answer the phone, greet clients, do the computer work, schedule appointments and attempt to keep everything straight. Hubs plays basketball three times a week so while he is gone I sew some more. Sanity saver? Watching Quilt Cam with Bonnie Hunter. You may know her. I attempt to have lunch out with either mom or a friend at least once a week. Oh and sew/quilt as often as I can. Enjoy your time home alone!
I love my days ALONE at home. Because we are retired, these are rare. You need to enjoy the ones you have. I will say one thing. My hubby takes me out to lunch almost every day and we have simple dinners. The division of labor has been the hardest part of retirement. Sigh.
Bonnie, we haven't met yet, but will meet on the 20th - I'm taking a class with you in Illinois. My husband is a physics professor and a state level politician - and I work from home. So there are many days when we are both here- sometimes we both have lots to do, sometimes only one. So if you like, we can talk!
I am in the same boat, but I am home full time and he has just started working from home after we moved south. So far no problems but I have to remember not to wander into his office to chat :0), he has calls all day long and works on his computer at the same time, luckily he still does a lot of travel so I will have my much loved alone time. What will I do when he retires? I have NO idea so I'll be reading what others have to say in your comments.
Happy Sewing, looks like your husband is down here in my neck of the woods :0)
Bonnie, my retired husband goes out of town every month on County Fair business for two whole days! I get more done around the house on those two days than any other time of the month. I love him and I'm glad to see him when he comes home, but I sure am glad that he goes for those two days!! :O)
I am not married at all, but OMG!As much and as hard as you work, I am amazed that you would ever feel guilty!If you have a piece of fabric in your hands, you are working, feet up or no.I know that much of what you do can be fun at times, and working at what you love can blur the lines between work and fun a bit (I do have some experience with that). In my humble opinion, that doesn't mean it isn't work. Honestly, you are one of the hardest working people I know of.
Bonnie - Pumping a treadle, pushing HSTs through the featherweight or leisurly stitching with feet up IS your job. The resulting quilts are needed for the classes you teach. No guilt - hubby works in his ofice, you in your studio - both contributing to the family income. I'm sure he agrees.
My hubby worked rotating shifts for over 36 yrs. I had become quite accustomed to being very independent, making my own social life (mostly following the kids to school events, sports, 4-h, etc.)and I was a stay at home Mom until both kids could drive. When we retired the best advise I got was to just be honest...tell him, "this is what I want, this is what I am accustom to and yea we will both have to make some changes, but I will need "my ME TIME", so if I tell you "no you can't go to the store with me" don't take it personally. It is an adjustment, but not as bad as I thought it would be. He has his hobbies, I have mine. It works if you work at it. We love traveling together, but he also takes motorcycle trips with the guys & I take quilty trips with the gals...it's all good. Retirement can be great if you want it to be.
I worked for a number of years while married and then decided I'd had enough and quit. But hubby was still working at the office and I didn't feel guilty. I think it's harder when they are working at home. DH was diagnosed with a malig. brain tumor in 7/11 and, after recovery, went back to work. I kept encouraging him to retire but he loved what he was doing and didn't want to. He had a recurrence in Feb. last year, 2nd brain surgery in Apr. and passed away in Aug. So we never got to enjoy retirement together. :-(
Very sorry for your loss, Sherrill ... God bless you!
I retired in May 2012; DH just retired in 1/13 ... for financial reasons he stayed working while I relocated to our new home (and retirement nest). We were apart most of the 8 months but made time to get together whenever we could. I have adjusted to him being around 24/7 now but after having those months "alone" and walking to the beat of my own drummer it was a little hard NOT to feel I should be doing something "productive" when he retired. He's a driven, focused person ... we refer to ourselves as the grasshopper and the ant ... he being the ant and I'm off hopping around someplace. We give each other "space" yet do things together. You should NOT feel guilty about doing what you do when he's home because it IS your business/work and, in all honesty, if you were to ask him if he felt you weren't on the same page he'd probably be very surprised.
I had a hard time at first when my husband started working from home. I felt the same way like I had better be doing housework or making sure the kids were doing their school work. It was stressful at first. But then I finally said something to him and he said to just do what I normally did. If I was goofing off too much he would let me know! But really I think I just relaxed and started to enjoy the benefits. We talk on and off during the day. He is on the phone a lot so I don't really see him that much. But the best thing is he can help the kids with their school work and he throws the ball with them outside almost every lunch time. He can eat outside and relax a bit if he needs to before starting back to his work. So really it is a manageable thing if you want to make it that way. I am a doer and really push myself most of the time. He helps me take some downtime when I need it. Balance is what it is about. Glad you get some time alone. I do miss that too. It doesn't happen that often for me either. But life is good. Have fun! K-
My first thought is I can so totally relate! Followed by you work many weekends when your DH is at home playing. My husband and I are self-employed and I work many more hours each week than he does but I feel guilty when I take time off even for a doctor's appointment! I feel like I always need to justify my "free" time to my DH but the reality is he thinks I deserve the time off. I think the best thing to do is talk with your DH about how you feel and what he really is thinking. I suspect his response will be you work hard and you deserve the time off or afternoon breaks.
I work from home too, and teach outside the house. What I figured out after a while is because I work often on weekends that means I get and should take the equivalent of the weekend time I spend working off during the week. If I don't take it, the temptation is to work every day AND weekends and then well, you end up exhausted and not getting a break that everyone else who works a standard kind of job gets to take. It was not fair on me and not on my family either. So the trick is learning not to feel guilt if you just happen to be able to write articles on a laptop sitting comfortably somewhere in the house, or sew bindings onto class samples from a comfortable couch, or choose to do some work sewing on a vintage machine you enjoy using- you are still sewing something that needs to be done. Either way what you are doing is a work related activity. You are just lucky to be doing something you happen to enjoy, but that does not make it any less valid or important work just because of the enjoyment factor.
You also do not have to keep the same working hours that your hubby does at the same time. And you probably don't work the same number of hours anyway, you might work more or less, but you still should take a break at a time that suits your schedule, and there should be no guilt about it. If that break happens to be at a different time to your husband's break, then your paths won't cross, but if they match or overlap some, then you can enjoy your break together- but only IF you want to.
I'm sure you will figure out a balance between his schedule and yours. Change is good!
The most important thing we found when we were both at home full time was to sit and talk about it. After the first week I had been tearing my hair out as I'd plan out my day and then he'd bring the washing down 'to help' and I'd not planned to do it that day. We set some rules, he'd bring the washing when I asked but if he brought it down at other times then he was responsible for doing it. I would do one meal a day as before but if I was making my lunch and he wanted the same then I'd make it but then he'd make lunch for me one day too. Quilting and sewing is your job (luckily it's a hobby too) and you shouldn't feel awkward about sitting down to do it as and when you'd normally do it if he wasn't there. Just set yourselves some basic groundrules and remember that if he wants to take you to lunch and you've got some sewing to do take a deep breath and say 'thank you, where shall we go' Spending extra quality time together is the bonus. And let him get his own drinks during the day...lol
I agree with others that it's important to discuss the situation with your husband. My husband and I both work from home. We are fortunate to be able to have two separate work spaces set up - one upstairs and one down - so we can both concentrate in our own spaces when we need to. We even email each other sometimes! I've never prepared lunch for him - each of us does our own thing at a time that suits us. At various times during the day, one of us will drop in to chat to the other - ask a question, seek a different point of view on an issue or whatever - and that's nice, but it's not every 5 minutes. We're respectful of each other's work. We've talked about feeling guilty about taking time off if the other one is working, and neither of us has a problem with it - but we do repeat the conversation and reassurances every now and then.
AH, Bonnie you are learning the retirement/lotsa time together dance! It is tricky at times.
Fromm what I have seen, and have had happen, is it isn't like a weekend or short trip. You can each have things in your days that are musts. And they vary, sometimes from day to day. In other words, you have turned into an errand girl/cook/etc for him, and neither has he for you. Sure while at Office Depot you can pick up whatever he might need, no go to go twice.
Sometimes retired guys think around here think that you are the travel mate to go to the hardware store, run over and get new tires with them.lol ... yes it is true. My Mech. Engineer husband likes to have me with him to sit around the tire shop!!!
You and Dave seem to have worked out your traveling a lot. This will be a piece of cake for you, you'll see.
Smiles,
JulieinTN
Sometimes it helps to do the "what ifs" in your head. What if your husband was not around at all when retirement came - due to death, illness, whatever? Cherish the fact that you will be able to have the time together. Not everyone gets the chance. The details will work themselves out.
For better or worse but not for lunch. I work from home, my husband retired 2 years ago. It was a bit of an adjustment. Here's what we do: when I'm working he doesn't come into my office. He has to pretend I'm on the other side of town, he's alone, and act accordingly. He can't come into the office during working hours and ask me to hold the ladder for him while he climbs up on the roof to clean out the rain gutters; then stand there 30 minutes handing him the garden hose and adjusting the water flow, lol. I ask myself, what would I be doing if he weren't here? and then I do that. We visit during working hours when I take a break or my lunch break; we make/have dinner together and our evening together.
Of all "life's lesson's" the one I am most thankful for is the discovery that "I" am the only one who can make me "feel" guilty. And, I know just what you mean about how hard it is to "relax", so I hope (like me) you will take more time to "practice" without guilt! Enjoy the day and relax!
My DH isn't retired yet - soon though - but he had both shoulders replaced this past fall and was home 7 months. He and the three dogs followed me around like a parade, he kept coming in to see what I was doing and he was bored to tears. He has no hobbies because of his work and I told him when he retires, I was NOT going to be his hobby - he was going to have to find his own!! LOL. But he helps me sometimes in the sewing room, othewise, I just went on about the day as usual like when he was working and would he read and watched TV. At least your DH has hobbies, tennis, bikes, golf, etc. You are away from home working all the time so hard and with all your tours, when you are home you should not feel guilty about your down time, just think of it as like your "weekend" like he most likely gets now while he is working. so do your thing, he'll do his thing and meet for dinner at the end of the day or hot tub time :) DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!
You ARE working if you're "leisurely stitching"! Your job is quilting, and even if that project is for you or a family member, it's fodder for your blog. It may be more fun than his work, and you can watch a movie at the same time, but that's the luck of doing this thing you love as your work. Just make sure he knows you feel lucky, and appreciate the opportunity as well as all he does. Keeping a man aware that he is appreciated goes a long way to smoothing out any perceived inequities.
My DH retires in a couple of years also. He keeps telling me I won't see him. He has two garages and lots to do. That doesn't include when people come and ask him to do things for them. I am sure there will be a transition period but it will work out. I feel guilty too when he is out in the yard working but that is where he is happy and my sewing room is where I am happy!
just another life adjustment like everything else, like learning to live with somebody 24/7...you will find what works best for you like others do....the trick is to be alone and not be lonely....that's the difference
Hey Bonnie - my friend (from Aust) came back from a holiday in the US today and bought back the 100 blocks book - I searched until I found yours - what a thrill!
When my husband retired I found myself worrying about what he was not doing. Now I try to just worry about myself. I still marvel at being able to sew all day day if that's what I want. We all enjoy having the house to ourselves...I'm sure my husband likes it when I go out for the day.
My DH was out of work for over a year. He just went back to work last week. I love home alone!!!! Course now we have to get a dog sitter when we both work.
Me and my honey spend all our days together and he finds my quilting time very valuable... making quilts to last lifetimes... talk to your hubby. Does he treasure your work??? Bet he does it is wonderful.. new to you blog but loving what I see! Kathi
When you're an artist, even stuff that doesn't look like working can be part of your work. Sewing on bindings -- even if it's a gift quilt -- is definitely part of your work. And if you can do it while watching a movie, that's just multi-tasking! :-)
--C.B.
it seems to me that everything you do 'quilty' becomes work in the end, as it is all about raising your public profile and career as a teacher, innovator and writer. You share it all with us, enroll us in your ideas, give me personally far too many UFOs! Even stitching a binding or hexies is part of your public profile-just because you're a muti-tasking girl and are able to watch a film whilst you do it doesn't mean its not work! Relish the time to yourself, make time for each other, resort logic to work it through together, don't be guided by guilt!
This is so neat to read so many other opinions and points of view that I would not be able to get otherwise. I was a Navy Wife for 20 years, now he comes home for dinner EVERY night. Adjustments are a part of life. Enjoy the changes. See you at Collaboration Celebration!
Bunnie
When my hubby says "do I need to make an appointment to see you?" then I take a day just for "us." We are both retired and we each have our own activities. I never felt bad about putting my feet up and stitching even while he was still working--I paid my dues when all the kids were home. I remember days when I didn't get to sit down until 11 PM.
When hubby works from home, I don't seem to get much done. As of Sunday night, I also have both boys home, at least for the summer. I haven't had time to touch my sewing stuff at all. I feel like I'm tiptoeing around. It doesn't help that hubby doesn't have a home office, but, sits at the kitchen table, and we have to be quiet when he is on the phone. Drives me NUTS!
Post a Comment
If you are commenting as "anonymous" please leave your name at the end of your comment.
Did you know that ad space on this blog provides for all of the free patterns and free mysteries and challenges at no cost to you? Without ads, this blog would not be possible.
Thank you for understanding the many hours that go into this blog 6 days a week, 52 weeks a year. :)