Hello. Monday.
I've been sitting here in semi-darkness with candles burning since 5:30 a.m.
How do you overcome the guilt of being grateful that things weren't worse when for so many other people It was so devastatingly worse and continues to be so?
As I headed over to the retreat to feed Tula and retrieve some needed items It finally all hit me, and I just broke down and bawled ragged sobs in the car.
I had been holding all of this horror in check since the tree came down on Dave on Friday.
Today, I will be driving Dave down to Lenoir for a doctor's appointment because he can't drive himself. But we will get there
I'm hoping the further out of our area we get that there will be stores with essentials and gas stations with gas.
Yesterday, a bird hit headlong into our window and died on the porch, and it was almost more than I could handle.
The reports I am able to receive of destruction in Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia, and Tennessee - I have no words. I'm not sure how we recover from this.
And I know we are so very lucky to be whole and here together. And I'm not sure how to get over the guilt of that.
22 comments:
Oh Bonnie it has to come out sometime, crying frees the soul.
You are lucky as is Dave. Could have been much worse. Thank heavens everyone is ok. Including the animals.
Let us know how Dave makes out at the DR.
Positive thoughts and prayers 🙏🙏🙏
Hugs to you Bonnie and remember to be gentle with yourself. Bless the helpers.
I feel the same way. I’m heartbroken that my colleague and I had to cancel our annual pediatric Remembrance Service as well as renege on a fund raising event for cancer the next day because neither of us had power. When I’ve seen what others have suffered, I feel ashamed and oh, so thankful that our experience was just an inconvenience. My devotion yesterday addressed the overwhelming feeling of helplessness in the face of such devastation. The speaker acknowledged that, as individuals, we can’t help everyone suffering such loss, but we can help those in our sphere of influence. That perspective helps the guilt a little bit. I’m going to reach out to a co-worker whose home was flooded with a gift card to help with their expenses. It isn’t much but at least she will know how much I care. So thankful you and Dave and your beautiful inn are safe!
It's a real thing: Survivor's Guilt. Hold on to your sanity, honey, and you'll come out okay. Of course you feel horrified, of course you're overwhelmed, of course you were terrified for Dave, of course you're feeling everything you're feeling. You WILL come out okay, and that will be okay too. Love and prayers for you both, and for all the others who are suffering so deeply.
You get over it by knowing you have been both blessed and helped by those around you. You see someone you can help and you help. You offer hugs to those in despair and you know that you are not expected to fix all of it. Share love and kindness, be the one that shows either strength or weakness that you feel. People will need to know that everyone was hurt in some way. Don't hide your pain so someone else has to hide theirs.
Oh Bonnie, I am so very truly sorry you and Dave, as well as so many others are going thru with this. I can't say I know exactly what you are going thru, nor feeling, having survived close calls in fires, what you describe sounds similar to how I felt, as well as heard the same from many others. I think you are going thru grief, PTSD, and ultimately total emotional frazzle unwinding from all you have gone thru and are still going thru. Sadly, the experience will always be a scar on your heart, but you will get thru this. As your community collects itself maybe you can help be the voice for those in need and let us know how we can help. Sorry, but after seeing Red Cross block hundreds of hotel rooms during our So. California fires, all left vacant when people needed them, as well as so many other ways they begged for donations, but really did so little to help I can no longer donate to the Red Cross. I'd rather find local charity programs and people who are able to see where the real needs are.
You are strong. You and Dave will get thru this. If you can find the energy, please consider being a voice in your community to help advise those of us who want to help, how we can help best.
Lastly, breath. Look for the good things that can make you smile. Joy is still there. Pace yourself with dealing with shock and despair. Know we are all sending virtual hugs, prayers and love your way.
Survivor guilt is a very real thing, and therapy to work through it is important.
Bonnie, I can only imagine what you and others in Helene's path are going through. My prayers are with you all and especially for Dave's recovery and your peace of mind.
Sending hope and also concern for all those in such devastation. Those videos on the news are heartbreaking. Glad Dave is doing ok and most importantly you were back from your trip to be there when it happened.
Wish I could give you a hug but can only say I care deeply. And thank you for so many years of great posts sharing and fun you have given us. Now time for us to wrap you in hugs and love.
Shirley
Bonnie...we all have our "melting" point when the heat of life hits us. You are a strong and determined woman and you will get through this. I am praying for you, Dave and the people in our beautiful mountains that are suffering. You will get over the guilt, and I do not have an answer for that guilt, but the sun will shine in your life once again. Stay strong my friend!!!
Oh, Bonnie, I'm so sorry you're going through all this, it's such an emotional time, with lots of feelings all mixed together. Thank you for sharing with us, we're thinking about you.
I so appreciate your blog. And you are in my prayers as you recover from this storm. There is no guilt in beimg thankful. I'm sure you'll help others as you can. I am thankful that your hubby is alive and well. Give yourselves a hug and keep on keeping on!
we love you bonnie have aa good long cry,chug a cold coke with 2 asprins, then get out and help those who need it! love mel ( who knows from experience that the above works!!!)
Yes to everything you have written today, Thank you.
Prayers for all. I am so glad that Dave will be ok. It might take a minute, but he will be ok. It's ok to cry & let it out. Thank you for opening up to us & letting us know (mostly) how you're feeling/ doing. Give the fur babies an extra hug & pet & hug Dave extra hard. It will take some time, but slowly things will get back to normal. Love from South Central Texas...
Bonnie, it's okay to have a good cry. It's okay to feel all the feels. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this. Mother Nature went on a rampage and so maybe people are suffering, but you didn't do it. I'm glad Dave is doing well. I'm glad you were there to help him get aid. No one outside Florida was prepared for this. It's a good lesson to all of us to think about how we should prepare for the unexpected. You and your family are safe. You'll get power back soon and you will draw energy from your future quilter visits to the inn.
Bonnie, I am thinking of you.
I am Waay..North of you in Ontario, Canada. But, I really feel for you and Dave! You will get through this and you will thrive!.. Take good care of yourself. You are precious and one-of-a-kind! God bless you! and your family, and the 4 foot fur babies! Love Fran
Thinking of you and yours. Hold tight to each other and remember that each day will get lighter.
Bonnie, it is good to cry after all you have been through. You are still recovering from your trip, you saw your husband get injured and the had a harrowing experience trying to get to the hospital. On top of that you see all the horrific scenes from Helene devastation. Prayers to you and Dave for speedy recoveries.
I was in tears reading your posts from Friday on. Absolutely horrifed at how the two of you needed help so much, and then here come folks who are there to not only stabilize Dave but then clear enough to get you two out and organize getting to the hospital. Coming home to find the downed trees cut up so that you could get there. There are no words for all those wonderful people. Yes, there are so many others who are far worse off, but there are still miracles happening daily out there in all of the devastation - keep your mind there and know that He is looking out for everyone. Deb / CA
Bonnie, it's been hard seeing all the destruction and loss on the eastern side of the US. We have fires under control for most part and can stand 104 heat. I've been shaken in many earthquakes over my 70 years but still, I can't imagine what you all are going thru and feeling. My brother in Florida did well with the hurricane they moved out of St Petersburg in January inland from there. But his son-in-law's family and many friends not so well. No loss of life but homes and cars and boats.
Nancy in Southern California
From the Netherlands I sent you big hugs, the devastation was all over our news last few days, and I’m glad you are save. Dave was very lucky, I bet next time he’ll bring a helmet with him in the car, just in case. Survivor’s guilt is nothing to be ashamed off, writing, talking and crying about it is the best therapy. You are loved.
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