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Saturday, September 29, 2012

A Moment of Reflection.

I recently received a link to a terrific post written on the topic of Online Etiquette,  The Digital Community.Seeking a Safe Place.

Over the past few days I have read this article over again and again and again.  The Bedlam Farm blog has NOTHING to do with quilting, and it is a nice breath of fresh air to step out of the arena that has consumed my life and read about someone else’s adventures and what they choose to share.

I encourage you to go read the article.  And I want to quote the part that hit me the most.

"My life is not an argument to be reviewed by strangers on my own digital space, my Internet home. Comments must be productive, of use to other people."
 
"So the rules of my home are really simple and free. Everyone is welcome here, whether they agree with me or not. No one is welcome here who uses anger or cruelty or righteous judgment to attack me or anyone else. I don’t expect people who come into my home to be hostile or insensitive with me, nor do I accept it online. The fact that I open a part of my life up is not an invitation to be rude or nasty. I also want people to feel safe here."
 
"I want this to be a creative place, a safe place, a place of encouragement and shared experience. Sadly, the Internet seems to breed hostility and disconnection. It is just so easy to be a lug-head when you are hiding behind an e-mail address."


Or might I add an anonymous or other persona that hides your true identity.
 
Thank you, Bedlam Farm, for putting it so eloquently.
 
NO ONE has the right to send “I’m disappointed in you, shame on you” emails or comments to ANYONE.  PERIOD.    What is the world coming to?
 
If I feel that comments are getting out of hand, I reserve the right to remove them.  This is MY home.  It does not have to be politically correct. 
 
This is my space, I do not have to provide both sides of ANY story.  I feel what I feel.  If you feel differently, please feel free to express your side of the story on your own blog.
 
This is a place where I share my feelings and my experiences.  You might not agree with them, and that is fine, but I’m not going to argue my stance and you shouldn’t have to feel the NEED to call me up on my behavior or my words to suit your idea of what I "SHOULD" do or be.

These are my thoughts, my experiences and I can’t change them and not share how I truly feel.  You may have handled the situation differently, but you wouldn’t chastise me in my own home if you were a guest there, at least I hope not.
 
I don’t want to bottle up ME inside – and only post a candy-coated version of what I think you want to read.  That’s not the purpose of me writing here.
 
Yes, I am totally made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.














74 comments:

Mad about Craft said...

I agree with you and I want you to know thatI followed the quilter that started this off but I am no longer following her as I don't want to be associated with this type of thing.

Marei said...

Amen!!Your blog. Your thoughts.

regan said...

Just read the whole post Bedlam Farm.....so perfectly worded and wise. Thanks for the link.

I think the pictured quote would make a terrific quilt border in Tonya's Word Play style! Awesome!

Sandra Rocco said...

So totally true. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. Too many people are just too critical!! I am just so grateful that you take so much time to share with total strangers as well as so many "friends". I want you to know that your ideas are very much appreciated. If you say something I don't agree with, then I will ignore it. But that hasn't happened yet!!
Got my hexie book and needle positioner today. Just love it!! Thank you Bonnie.
Sandra in the UK

Linda in TX said...

YES!!!! If you can't say something nice, go somewhere else.

Ariane said...

I love your blog and everything you share!! I totally agree with you on this!! None of us are perfect. We all have busy lives and can't be expected to be perfect. Life can be difficult on its own. We need to encourage one another, not criticize each other. I try to surround myself with positive people in my life and on my blog. I always remove negative comments as well!! It's your blog!!

Mary W Quilts said...

Ditto! I could not agree more... Thanks for sharing :-))

scraphappy said...

I would like to take a moment to thank you sincerely for all you do for the quilting community. In the years that I have been reading your blog I have been inspired, educated and challenged as a quilter. Your generosity, creativity and energy are deeply appreciated by so many of us. Today I took the last stitch on my version of your Smith Mountain Morning quilt and yesterday I posted a shot of my (finally) finished Orca Bay. Both of these quilts would have been so far beyond my ability and comprehension in my pre-Bonnie days. Now I constantly look forward to stretching my quilting horizons. I know how easy it is to take the negative attacks to heart, but I sincerely hope that you will continue to do what you want, how you want and when you want. It is your blog--your thoughts, your quilts-- we love them all and hope you won't ever try to edit you.

Maria said...

I've always thought you were real and interesting to read because you wrote about what happens to YOU. I like the fact that you write about what amuses you and your daily ups and downs. Mostly I am thankful that you stay at it and refuse to be squeezed into the politically correctness that is spreading like wild fire in blogland due to people who think they can rule the internet by calling you out and trying to shame you about something that really isn't their business in the first place. I never thought people would try and 'educate' you on how to behave in your own blog. But sadly there are people who will forever try to fit the universe around them and their views of how life should be, I pity them for being so short sighted. They miss all the fun that is to be found out in the internet, they miss all the opportunities to make new life long friends just for the sake of being right. They miss the smirks and little laughs of recognition when reading about life as someone else knows it. I think you should stay just the way you are, that is anyway why I stick around to read what you've been up to and what you your next quilt adventure will be. Thank you from a Swede who wishes I lived closer so I could go on a workshop! :)

Marsha Black said...

Bonnie, I was so shocked when I first read that someone had been so critical of you. My heart has ached ever since, thinking about how much time you give to us, and how much I have missed quilt-cam this week while you have been gone. I had told my husband about it last night, and we, too, had discussed what this world was coming to. Please know how much the vast majority of us admire and respect you. And for those who disagree with you--no one makes them come to your site. I applaude you for standing up for yourself in such a dignified and respectful way. Thank you for giving so much of yourself, and have a safe trip home.

Kate said...

Oh my, I must have missed something. Someone was discourteous to our Bonnie??? Well, let's see what we should do to them...

remove their bobbin thread??
make their red fabric bleed?
cut all their fat quarters two inches short?
dull all their cutter blades?

You just let us know, Bonnie - we'll go and defend your honor!!
Seriously, good grief, people, play nice. Thanks Bonnie for letting us all be a part of your life - you are an amazingly generous person.

lisa hardesty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lisa hardesty said...

She does not know our Bonnie very well because Bonnie has a very sweet heart.

Janet O. said...

I have only been following you for 1 1/2 years and I know you have been "corrected" on more than one occasion. Can't imagine how many times it must have happened in your blogging career. Always blows me away that people think it is their place to tell you what to think, feel or do. Maybe I missed something while I was away from the computer last week having surgery. Did it happen again?

Lilac Joan said...

Bonnie, thank you for reminding us that kindness is a rule to live by. At my age (over 70) I don't have time to mess with unhappy and negative people. However, it is always good to remind me about kindness so I won't become someone I wouldn't want to be around. I have always found the quilting community full of wonderful people. But alas, there are always a bad apple in there somewhere.

Jobro said...

I have only been a Quiltville reader for a few months and you wear me out. I don't know how you do all you do, and a slip of memory, spelling error or other omission is to be expected considering how much you do. I so look forward to your daily posts on life and the knowledge of quilting you share. Remember that we love you even when you flash undergarments.

Debra Anger said...

I always feel when I read blogs that it is like a diary, or a great book and ponder the posts. They always give me something to think about. I do follow other blogs beside quilting cause I love to grow in many things, bonnie you help me grow, thanks

Betty said...

When I first got involved in quilting, I worked in a field where negativity abounds. Quilting was my escape and I was in innocent bliss thinking that all quilters were kind, positive people. I was soon disappointed to find that is not always the case. But, I do think the negative ones are a very, very small fraction of this wonderful community that now spans the globe, thanks to the internet and social media. I once received some very good advice about blogs, "If you don't like what someone posts, just move on". I have since "moved on" from a few other blogs, but never from yours. I look forward each day to seeing where you are and what adventures you've gotten up to. Keep on doing what you do, that is what keeps so many of us coming back!

Tami C said...

I haven't been following you for very long, but it's clear that you do more in one day than I do in a month! I finished my first quilt on August 2nd, and that was about when I started following you. I love your blog, your quilt cam, all of your hints, and the fact that you have invited us into your life and house. Thank you for being you! I think that I'm going to have to add the Bedlam Farm blog to my reading. Thank you for turning me on to that one.

Harrysmum said...

Well said Bonnie!
You're so gracious in allowing us into your life in such an intimate way - but I think it's awful that your seeming familiarity is abused in such a way.
I work with young people and so many of them forget the cyber etiquette of never typing something that you wouldn't say to the persons face and in front of your mother!
And as my Grandma always said - if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!

Valerie said...

I agree about the quote. It says it so well!

HoosierKitty said...

I've noticed before that you let the negative comments people make get to you. I think that's natural but I'm sad to see it happen. There are some people who hide behind anonymity and say horrible things. You are certainly within your rights to weed out that kind of toxic comment, I'm just sorry that it's there. Rest assured that your many happy fans far outnumber the turkeys. Peace and love to all.........and Kate and I will send curses to the negative folks. I don't know Kate but I like the way she thinks. :)

SweetAmbrosia said...

Adding my own AMEN to what already has been so well said by our other posters.

I am made of scraps, have frayed edges, and crooked seams. So I do appreciate your neat little sign ;)

Bonnie, Thanks for this post
Smiles
JuuleinTN

Valerie said...

Bonnie, again, thank you for all you do for all of us. I am pretty much the epitome of that quote above, and it is going in a prominent place on my blog. I could say lots about what you've done for me personally in the months since I began reading your blog, but the fact that today I finished piecing a king-sized quilt top--finished piecing it--instead of thinking about it more, planning it more, talking about it again, but actually sitting and stitching...well I cannot say in any more concrete way what you have done for me. Thank you. And thanks for sharing the link to that very thoughtful blog post!

Bonnie said...

Hi Bonnie
Stay true to who you are. I dosen't matter what other people say and think. I love that you are so giving with your time, sewing skills and knowledge. You get me in trouble with some of the things you show on your blog. I purchased three older sewing machines this month. I just love it. Thank you for having the time and sharing your time with all of us. Please don't let some people stop you from doing what you do. There are many people who gain knowledge from you. Thanks
Bonnie

Meg E. said...

Your blog would not be so wonderful if it weren't from your heart! You share you with us and after meeting you last week I feel like you are a friend that I get to sit down with and laugh and quilt and learn! You are an inspiration in both quilting and in the way you look at the world around you with joy and wonder.. a reminder on tough days that there are good things out there. Thank you for inviting us all into your life with such openness and love. You have created a community that immediately connects with each other all over the world... what a gift!
Meg from Niles, Michigan

SubeeSews said...

I cannot thank you enough for sharing all your thoughts and activities with us/me. I am such a hermit. Yet I travel with you all the time in my heart.
Even the thought of seeing you in person actually gets me out of my comfort zone and I try to attend quilting functions. Hell! I made it 6 hours in North Manchester before the demons started in my head. Everyone was pleasant and sweet there.
And I looked at your photo of Bali travelers and could not pick out the spoiled apple by their faces. I thought for sure the horns would show.
Please do not let the few mean spirited people in the internet world get to you. You are so beyond generous and friendly that I cannot imagine even WHY anyone would call you out on forgetting a name. GEEZZ!!!
XOXOXOXO Subee

Nancy said...

Amen to that Bonnie. You are right there is no place for mean and crabby people in Quiltville.

Your posts and pics are so wonderful. It feels like I am right along with you on your travels -- it expands my world a thousand fold. Thank you.

Your free patterns, tutorials, tips, not to mention your annual mystery quilt. I thought it couldn't get any better, and yet,we now have Quilt Cam. Where else would you find a global quilting party? Free party? Several times a week? Really, yes, really--Quiltville USA

Thank you for being you!!
Hugs,

Nancy in Rainy SC

JaneB said...

The article is very thoughtful and I agree with the thoughts and ideas it expresses. Love the idea of putting this quote into fabric ala Tonya Ricucci! I'm putting that quilt on my to do list.

We all have to think before we write or comment, just as if we were talking face to face with the person we are addressing. I don't think this is about being "politically correct" because I don't think that is where the comments are coming from. I think it is rudeness, plain and simple and being a "persona" or email address instead of posting with your name and picture is what is leading to the problem of rudeness in blog comments and blog postings.

Chin up, Bonnie. Don't let 'um get you down.

pcflamingo said...

So ELOQUENTLY stated, and now that you have posted the link to the blog, it will gain even wider readership of those wise words. As well it should. I mean really, you wouldn't allow someone into your home to insult you the way some people carry on in their on-line persona. It's as if they were raised by wolves. No, that's insulting to wolves and I apologize to the wolf community.

I hope you know, Bonnie, that you have a wide world of defenders out here.

QuiltinLibraryLady said...

I agree with you 100%. It's your blog, it's your life that you so graciously share with your quilting fans, it's your choice as to what you want to say.....and believe it or not, I don't believe one little bit in political correctness. Such a bunch of baloney. Just call it like you see it and let the chips fall where they may. How's that for a bunch of cliches??? I enjoy your blog very much, don't change a thing.

*karendianne. said...

Hit a home run with this. I thank you. Also, peace be with you and blessings on YOUR journey we're fortunate to share.

Cindy said...

SO well said. I agree completely. If some others don't like what you have to say and feel the need to voice their opinions rudely then I say "There's the door! Please LET IT hit you on the way out!" Lol.

laquaqltr said...

Bonnie I for one am glad that you do allow and seem to enjoy interaction with your fans. Please keep doing what you do best, I have learned so much over the year or more that I have been following your blog, So Thank You!

Kate said...

If we met someone at a party we didn't like or didn't agree with, we'd just quietly move away and find someone more compatible...that's the best for all concerned, isn't it??? It's no different here - we are all real people doing the best we can....

Kelli said...

Amen, sister! :)

Sandra Henderson said...

Well said. I wish they'd get rid of allowing journalists to quote anonymous sources, and the likes. There have to be some lines in the sand.

Annette said...

From DownUnder Australia,I am so disappointed that you receive negative emails as I believe your Blog to be so bright & happy along with so much information & tips for your fellow quilters, we would be so lost without Quiltville. I spend so much time reading your Blog & looking at slideshows that I miss out on stitching time....but I am learning more. Take care Bonnie.....Annette :)

Faye said...

Great post Bonnie. Great article for good reading as well.
Be yourself, the "self" we all love and admire so much. Safe travels.
Faye in Maien

Jackie said...

AMEN! Thank you for all you do for the quilting community!

Judy said...

I have always tried to remember what my Mom taught me..."If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all". Thanks! Mom and kudos to you Bonnie for being you!

Ann Mary Wagner said...

I agree with you 100%. Be good to yourself and know there are lots and lots of us who love to follow you.

Pat Jacks said...

I have been a fan for several years, never missing a post or adventure. Since quiltcam came, I look forward each day to 'seeing' you. However, somehow I missed the Victoria Secret show. Could you possibly do it again so I won't be out of the loop? he he

Cheryl's Teapots2Quilting said...

Here! Here! My mother taught me that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. It is sad that so many in our world have forgotten that. Thanks for the fun posts, and go have some fun tonight. You deserve it. PS: I had a Culver's Pumpkin shake yesterday in honor of you (at least that was the excuse I used). Thanks for the idea, it was YUMMY!

Judith Davis said...

Don't change YOU just because of some lug head. You are loved just the way you are,for what you are: open, honest, informative, giving and sharing.

Karen M said...

Just having left you in Shepherdsville, KY, I know that you have been deeply hurt by ill=considered comments. Please know that most of us accept others, foibles and all, without judgment. You are such a giving person. We all benefit from your generosity and appreciate it. Don't let the few turkeys get you down. Love you, Bonnie.

Leighway said...

Bonnie, I was a flight attendant for over 18 years and from there a many times medallion flyer in my business travel. Each time you pack up for a trip or return, I reflect on how much goes into planning, packing, unpacking, recovering from the trip and then getting ready to do it again. Unless one has traveled for a living, one cannot understand the energy it takes JUST to get there much less turn around and teach a class. I've marveled at how you do it!
Just know that you are loved and appreciated. Thank you for all you've taught me(us.)

Karen L. said...

Bonnie, I read the Bedlam Farm blog every day (as I do yours) and it's funny how you and Jon Katz were dealing with the same kind of "stuff" at about the same time. I noticed that this week but never thought to suggest to you to read his blog. Wish I had but at least you found it anyway. He really did explain his feelings very nicely but strongly. Well, he is a writer after all. Because you and he share so very much of your personal lives, thoughts, and happenings on your blogs, some people seem to think it is OK to tell you that "you are wrong, crazy, or "fill in the blank"" even though it is your opinion that you are expressing so it's not up for debate or argument. Mr. Katz has had this problem in the past as I believe you have had too. Seems like every now and then he has to explain that it is his blog and his opinions and as you said, if you want to tell your side of things, get your own blog. Boy, the internet is great but sometimes a very angry and scary place especially when one can be anonymous! Keep doing what you are doing and be content with it.

Candace said...

Well said. I enjoy your blog so much. It is wonderful to hear about all of the places you travel to; as well as learning about all of your great quilting information and advice. I am currently just beginning on a journey to try to share my own quilt designs with the world, and sometimes reading about how some people treat you makes me shudder! But on the other hand, just seeing what you have been able to accomplish in the quilting world is so inspiring. I admire your generosity, and your bravery in putting yourself out there every day. I often wonder if I will ever be able to be as open and giving as you constantly are. Let us not forget that this all started with you generously sharing a really good idea with us. Thank you for all that you do.

Carolyn Sullivan said...

DITTO!

Bev said...

Did all of our moms have the same MOM??? Funny how that one quote seems to have a very large area of coverage on the world! great how it overcomes time and space and still applied to our everyday life in the 21st century!

Vicki said...

And I second what everyone is saying tonight! It IS AMAZING what you do for the quilting community...your enthusiasm is infectious! Thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are SO appreciated!!

Betty said...

Comments are being moderated at ALHQ. Only people that agree with them are allowed to comment? Bonnie, I have no doubt that ALHQ has had their own reprimand from many of your supporters. Some folks just can't take the heat I suppose!

Carolyn Edwards said...

Bonnie,
I agree totally with your thoughts. I can't thank you for all the positive things you do for all of us. Knowing that you are someone who has thoughts and feelings is one of the reasons I look forward to your blog everyday.

Maria in Tucson said...

I have always felt honored that you let me into your life through your blog. You give so much of yourself, to people you have never met, and offer such inspiration to so many. I have stretched myself because of you and it is wonderful. Please PLEASE stick to your guns! You have no reason to change who you are or edit what you say and for heaven's sake don't EVER regret what you feel. You are who you are and you share with no pretense, and that is why we ALL love you. I don't know if I will be able to post this since I have no blog or website to list, but I have asked you that on Facebook and will try to post this there as well...
-Maria in Tucson

Debra G said...

My Mom always said, "If you can't say something nice then come and sit by me." Then she'd wink and laugh.

Cindy, The Purple Quilter said...

AMEN!

You have more support than you can ever imagine, so please keep on doing what have been doing. Thank you for sharing these wonderful thoughts and for sharing your heart with all of us.

cavewoman said...

And that is why some people/blogs have a few followers, some have a few hundred and some have a few thousand! Keep up the good work!

Impera_Magna said...

Well said! I'm behind you...

Kim said...

You go girl, I second that sentiment!

Happy Sewing and a safe drive home

Judy said...

If someone does not like what they read or what you said or how you said it let them go some place else. The majority of us LOVE you and LOVE what you do for us. I am unable to take your classes but I absolutely LOVE your blog and your posts and pictures every day. I look forward to them and have read every single one since I signed up and have not read anything that someone should be nasty about. Please do not get discouraged as most of us like what we read and see.

Charmaine said...

I love your blog. I read it every day and I'm always so impressed with what you do for the quilters of the world! You are a treasured gift to us, Bonnie, so don't ever change. We love you and your blog just the way you are!

Pauline said...

Good for you! How silly of someone to complain about a private, friendship blog. Have they forgotten what they do when they don't like a tv show? Go to another channel! Or change the dial. Duh. I don't understand people who want to impose their will on others. That's playing god, and if you play god, you're a false god and we all know about that warning!

Sharon said...

Hear! HEAR! Three cheers for Bonnie Hunter.

Brenda said...

Reading your blog is what I do every morning with a fresh cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee. I love to hear about your lessons and travels. Takes me places I will never go or see.
Thanks Bonnie for taking us all along with you.

Gail said...

Intentionally or not, you have found the recipe for a successful blog - proof positive in the number of followers you have. Is your success merely a reflection of the large scrap quilting community? Is it because you blog frequently? I would answer "no" to these questions. So why is your blog successful? Well, I think it is the mix. You let us into your daily life but keep the emphasis on the theme of your blog, ie, scrap quilting. You let us attend your classes and share in the fun with your students. We also receive an education in color by seeing the different colorways your students use in reconstructing your patterns. Your write-ups on your trips to antique malls continue to educate us in color and construction. In addition to craft education you educate us on the places you visit - restaurants, unique things to see, the terrain etc. You also ensure we know you're human by sharing little glimpses into your health and homelife - not a lot but just enough. If we envision this as an anology of a rancher gathering his herd of cattle (ie posts) into a fenced area, the fence would be fun, because most of what you write is laced in fun, even your trips to health care places (eg. count the candy in the bottle posts.) This takes a great skill ie to see the fun side of things, as we all know, no one lives a life of complete bliss. Now as every rancher has a few stray cattle; to me they are the writings on free books; you clearly identify these in your title, so I can choose not to read the post. This adds to your success ie by keeping your posts directly related to the title, I can skip a post and feel confident I haven't missed out on the things I love to read. In summary, you should know your readers value your blog as we're not blind to the fact that blog management is a LOT of work and great blog management is an EXTREME amount of work. As you said, it's your house and I'd like to add, the fact we keep coming back is a sign you're serving up lots of good stuff.

Barbara said...

I totally agree with you prohibiting anonymous comments. If you have to say something, why should you hide? And if you have to say something negative have the courage to be honest about yourself. A blog is not an environment to flame or be hostile. It is indeed personal space and Bonnie you have every right to remove those who you do not want in that personal space.
I love to read about what you are doing and learning about quilting. If I were to make a comment, I would write it down as politely as I could and see if my thoughts on a certain topic were right or wrong. I would never ever say that another "person" is wrong. There is no wrong in crafting, there only is creativity!

sewingforlife said...

Okay, nice post. You know, there's always someone in the room that wants to point out the flaws. I'm sorry, it has been a few days since I've dropped in and I had to go research what all the hubabaloo was about and figure out who Left Handed Quilter was, but I guess she's BOB so that said everything to me. Anyways, glad this dust up is over and we can get back to quilts!!!

So looking forward to a new mystery...hope you will have one again this year.

Thanks for all you do, wish I could keep up with 1/32nd of all that you do!

Beth said...

My Mama always said " If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything". ;) I enjoy your blog so much and all you do and share with us. I think part of the reason I like it so much is because you are so real. Thanks and hugs.

Josie McRazie said...

I got your back! You want me to break her sewing needle? Because I will! ;o) props and smiles and thank you for opening yourself up to us!

Bonnie K Hunter said...

Maria, I appreciate your comments so much. Thank you thank you.

Lilac Joan said...

It was my Dad that told me never to write a letter that I would be ashamed to sign my name! Aanother good rule.

Bunnie said...

That brought tears to my eyes. I am currently re-defining myself as an empty-nester with recently diagnosed attention deficit disorder. The lost structure of children's schedules and wide open opportunities have caused my home interactions to change. It's difficult to block out the comments of those that also call this place home.
The picure is perfect "I myself am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions" Thank you for your thoughts. Not everything is quilt-related, but I think this gives us a common ground and similar attitiudes.

RoseofSharonStudio said...

I am so very sorry that someone caused you pain. You bring so much joy and encouragement to me that I would be very disappointed not to have you in my blogworld. I love all that you said above. And I too am going to share "I myself am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions". Because we are alike :) Thank you for all you do and share. Bonnie, dont change a thing!