>>>>

Monday, March 21, 2011

Thank You ---


It wasn’t until this morning that I read all the responses….and feel a bit embarrassed about how unglued I sounded in yesterday’s post about Oscar dying. But I guess the truth was, I WAS unglued. We had fought over his health quite a bit in the past year, with the lung infection, and the tail abscess and whatever else was going on….

I don’t know what took him this time. But whatever it was, finding out and knowing couldn’t bring him back. Just like Buddy and the snake bite this time last year…Sometimes answers do NOT help. And whatever it was, wouldn’t couldn’t bring Oscar back.

We’ve had other pets ((I have the hardest time just calling them “PETS” because somehow it diminishes who/what they really are in our lives, making them somehow less significant)) who have lived long lives – cats especially – who have just up and wandered off never to be seen again once their lives had reached old age status. I always thought they found their way into the woods to a peaceful place where they just laid down and died surrounded by nature. For weeks after I’d search and call and wonder, hoping I didn’t find them on a roadside somewhere, but I never did.

I guess with Oscar--the place he felt most secure and the most loved was INSIDE the house with the people he loved, and who loved him, rather than out in the wild…being such an outdoor cat, I find that amusing in a way. And comforting. At least we will never have to wonder where he went to if he just disappeared…

Remember how frantic I was over Emmy Lou being gone for over 2 months? And then finding her under a bush on the other side of the creek? I welcomed her home with open arms. She is a different kind of cat ---they DO have their own personalities, you know! She is content to mostly be off on her own, guarding the guestroom bed. She doesn’t come out of there very often, not very curious about what I’m doing down here in the studio….she sleeps, she eats….she stays pretty much unseen.

Oscar, was EVER PRESENT! And I think that is what I will miss the most. Sitting here at the computer this morning, I know he would be already up in my lap as I type, nudging his head against me, purring loudly, begging for me to be petting him, instead of tapping on these keys. Those are the times I’ll miss him most.

Or any time I was feet-up in the recliner, sewing on a binding---He’d have to be RIGHT THERE to the point I'd have to bodily move him to move on down the quilt as I stitched. Emmy doesn’t do that. Oscar was there and IN the picture, where Emmy has always just watched from the side. ((Or stayed up in the guest room)) It isn’t that I don’t love her --- it’s just different.

And I’ll admit…I was a bad cat mommy and kind of wishing and thinking that if it were CHLOE the bad kitty that had gone across the rainbow bridge, I wouldn’t have been so distraught! She is beautiful, but NOT NICE…and never will be.

I got home last night around 7pm. It was a long drive….a boring one! I didn’t stop anywhere other than to get gas or a quick bite to eat, and back on the road.

I was asleep by 9pm.

Today? Well, I think I’ll just start putting the pieces together and tying up loose ends. Book orders, bank run, maybe grocery store…Jeff’s already helped me unpack the car. I’ll probably do some laundry, some light house work putting things back in order, and we’ll see how it goes.

Thank you so much for the outpouring of love and understanding. In comparison to the Japan crisis…I know this was really on a small scale. I KNOW this…my brain knows this at least, but has a hard time convincing my heart Broken heart

56 comments:

Impera_Magna said...

I'm glad you made it home safely... take care of yourself and get some rest...

JCnNC said...

I am just so happy that you are home and settling into whatever one does after being gone for so long. Thanks for the post. Judy C

Girltwin64 said...

Bonnie, I am so glad you made it home safely! Keep your chin up and know that Oscar knew he was loved by you. Hang in there sweetie!

pcflamingo said...

Unglued is the only appropriate response when we lose one of our furry family members. And it's not a zero-sum game, where we can grieve for our private losses OR grieve for the people of Japan. We can do both, and the seriousness of one does not diminish or make less the seriousness of the other.

LynCC said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Companion kitties like Oscar hold such huge chunks of our heart. My Koko is ever-present that way. It's amusingly annoying when I'm stitching the binding around a large quilt. As you said, have to bodily move him every time I need to shift the quilt's bulk. I know how devasted I will be when it is his time to go, so don't feel bad at all about how Oscar's passing has affected you. It is a huge personal loss. {{{{{ }}}}

smoky mountain girl said...

Praying for you dear friend. So sad when we lose our best friends. I pray that God will comfort you and lift you up. Hugs.

sao said...

I am glad to know that you arrived home safely - and you have every right to come unglued.

Our furries are part of our families - and I CAME UNGLUED just hearing about your loss.

You are right, our cats have personalities and some are just ON TOP OF OUR HEARTS as well as being IN OUR HEARTS. Oscar was and always will be in your heart!

I am picking up my RRCB from my long arm quilter tomorrow - can't wait to see it! THANKS AGAIN FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL QUILT, BONNIE! Now I can't decide if THIS IS MY FAVORITE or if Carolina Crossroads is my favorite. OH WELL, they are BOTH MY FAVORITES - just different, just like cats!


sao in Midlothian, VA

Ann Marie said...

There are 3 cats that live in this house right now, 1 belongs to my youngest daughter, she is like your Emmy. The only time she will come to you is if you are sitting in the recliner and that is only sometimes, other than that she is where ever she might be for the time being. Now the other 2, belong to my oldest daughter, and those 2 follow me everywhere, especially into my sewing room. Jethro likes to lay on whatever I am working on, and Ely Mae likes to rearrange the blocks, and or tear everything off the design wall. I have to pin everything to my wall because of her. So I understand totally what you are saying about Emmy and Oscar being so different. As for Emmy she might just want to be an outdoor cat that comes to visit you every once in a while. We had a few of those over the years too. since they were happier outdoors, we left them there. Glad you made it home, enjoy your memories of Oscar. The memories are great.

Linda said...

Furbabies leave marks on our hearts just like people do when they "come and go". I was going to write yesterday... but instead I logged off and went to find our 2 furbabies and give them wanted and unwanted attention. Both furbabies, irritate me and make my heart feel the flutterbye's of love... Each has touched me in ways no other Furbaby or human can... My heart hurts for you, knowing throughout your day there will be times you will feel the "hole"... My heart soars for you knowing there were many years that "hole" was filled!
Shhh... don't tell them, but if one of them has to "go" first.. I would prefer it was the one that keeps peeing in the dining room... just saying...

Katie said...

That's what I keep telling myself every time something "bad" happens in my life. I just always feel so close to the people of Japan because of their quilts. I can't imagine what they're going through. I just keep on praying.

Zibu said...

I'm glad you got home safely - it couldn't have been an easy drive to make in that state of mind. The loss of an animal family member is so difficult. I still miss our family dog who we had to put down 5 years ago.
The comment from Linda about the one who pees in the diningroom totally cracked me up. Thanks, Linda!

amy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. We have 2 elderly cats and I will be so sad to see them pass, though they're surprisingly still playful & naughty. I'm glad you got home safely.

DonnaP said...

Glad you're home safe and sound - and sharing things like Oscar and Buddy is what makes us friends and traveling companions in this thing called life. Though most of us will never meet, we are a blessing to each other.

rubyslipperz said...

"unglued"...imho...is QUITE okay. And, thanks for sharing the sweet personality of Oscar. He was beautiful outside and IN. take care...

hugZ,
annie

Tonya Ricucci said...

Completely understood the "ungluedness" and empathized. I'd be there too. I was just worried about you driving, so I'm happy you made it home safe. i know you have a big hole in your heart and I'm sorry.

SewWhatsNew said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Since I have experienced the same thing some time ago, I hope you understand that it is a heart felt comment. All the best.

Happy Cottage Quilter said...

Losing such a wonderful pet/friend is hard. Years ago we lost our Airedale, who was such a funny possessive gal. We just could never have another friend like she was. We tried, but it never really worked out. It's good to hear that you made it home safely. I love your new banner and background. It looks like SPRING :-)

Mama Pea said...

Bonnie, I have been behind in my blog reading so I'm just learning about this. I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our doggie in January, and I'm still having a hard time about it. In fact, my daughter came in my room crying big crocodile tears this morning telling me how much she missed the poor dog. So, I get it. It's hard. I guess it's the price we pay for loving our pets so much. I hope you are feeling better today. All my best.

Nane said...

Oscar looked like my Pooky, and I am sure had a wonderful life with you all. Your posts are signs of how much he was loved...

lynneUSA said...

I am glad you felt comfortable enough to share - For the first time in our adult lives we have dogs as pets and I cant believe the impact they have on our lives.

sophie said...

I know from my own experience that it is especially hard when something happens to our animals and we are far away--it makes us feel even more helpless.

Betty said...

No need to feel embarrassed, you are among friends and friends understand. My hubby and I both became "unglued" when we found our precious Kit on the side of the road. I probably shouldn't admit this, but I think we grieved harder for him than a close family member that passed the same year. There's just something about a cat that touches the very depths of your soul. Never, ever feel guilty about not being there, you gave him a wonderful life. RIP Oscar!

The quilting Cat Lady. said...

Bonnie, I am so sorry for the loss of Oscar. No one can replace him and you always have your memories of him. I am glad you made it home safely. It took me 5 years to get ready for another cat after I lost my dear kitty after 15 years. Now I have 3, they just stepped into my live and now they rule it.

ga447 said...

I am glad you are home, home is the best place for me and the best vacation.

Claudia (chinaauge) said...

They are not pets, they are family members and so it hurts to let them go over the rainbowbridge!

My thoughts are with you.

sandra leigh said...

Bonnie,
I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face, as I read your post and the comments that followed. We just lost our guardian angel dog of 16 years and I have two cats who are "up there" in age. These animals and our others are our family and no one can say otherwise. We all converse with one another and I know that you and Oscar had many many talks about him hogging your lap while you were trying to quilt. No these aren't "pets" whatever that means. These creatures are facets of our souls incarnate. Bless him in his rest and may you soon find another little one who needs to help you quilt.

Bonnie said...

So sorry for your loss. Our dog left us the week of Christmas and we miss her everyday. Glad you made it home safely.

Mama Koch said...

So sorry you lost your Oscar. Pets love us unconditionally. Maybe he's found another quilter in Heaven that is lovin' on him!

Kim said...

Well we can all relate to losing a kitty we loved but the enormity of the devastation in Japan is impossible to wrap out heads around. Maybe we all just needed a way to let some of it go...to share our cosmic grief on the loss of a little cat.

Welcome home
A new season has come.

JenGaile said...

Bonnie:

I am sorry for your loss and know you will miss Oscar daily. I fear for the day one of my "quilt companions" is no longer by my side. He is watching down on you, still claiming each quilt as his own. Chin up. Sending my prayers your way.

Jeane said...

So Sorry about Oscar. You gave him the best care and the best life and he gave back to you everything he had until the end. Emmy might warm up to more affection with Oscar not around. Keep a warm welcome spot for her. Hugs,

Tracey said...

Your reaction was/is totally normal. Our animals are part of the family. When Birdo died I sobbed and sobbed. There was no consoling me. I felt like I had let him down somehow. But as time went on, I realized this was not the case. He gave us 11 years of pure joy and love. You can't ask for anything more than that. Oscar knew he was loved and it will take time but you will feel better. Take care Bonnie.

kwiltnkats said...

Bonnie, so sad to hear about Oscar. You gave him so much love and hearing (through your words) his devotion to you shows how content he was. He had a rich life. Time will heal your heart. Sandi

Wendy said...

Bonnie, warm heart hugs to you. Sincerely, a bloggy admirer.

bingo~bonnie said...

Bonnie - so sorry to read this news. Like your son Jeff I had to make that kind of phone call back home to my husband who stayed in TX during the hurricane evacuation. We were in KY when our babydog "Jackson" got in the road and hit by a car at my dad's home :( It was so sad and so hard to call David to tell him... what was even worse was having to tell Nora who was 4 at the time. :(

That road trip home just wasn't the same without him and although it's been 3 years I still miss him every time I walk outside to go check the mailbox. :(

Hugs & Love from Texas! ~bonnie

Bonnie said...

So very happy you made it home safely, and so very sad for your loss. Oscar was a beautiful cat; thank you so much for 'sharing' him with all of us.

SubeeSews said...

I so understand your loss and regret. And also the wish that it had been the "bad cat" that had passed.
With how you described Emmy Lou watching from the sidelines, I am thinking she may venture to your lap while quilting or computing. She might have been respecting Oscar's territory. The pecking order in multiple cat homes is quite fluid. I know...I have 5 cats. The "head" kitty is a position that can change daily here. And when we last lost a cat and before we aquired another the status of the "head" cat changed in a way we would have never predicted.
Enjoy your time home. Grieve until you are through grieving. Make a quilt to honor your sewing partner.
XOXOXO Subee

Bennett and Graves said...

I lost my precious Roz eight years ago, I still miss her. She lived a great 13 yr dog life but I wish she could have had the same people years as me. How lucky we are to feel the unconditional love of our furry family members. It's like nothing else. We understand.

YankeeQuilter said...

Like many of the folks who follow your blog I was worried about your being behind the wheel yesterday and happy to hear you got home safe. Some cats just become quilting/TV/gardening buddies...it is hard when they are no longer there. You gave Oscar a great home...

madakamom said...

So sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend Oscar. But glad that you are home safe. Get some rest and take time grieve and go on with happy memories.

Teresa said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! My Weasley hangs out with me long after everyone else gives up and goes to bed, then he follows me to bed. I know you will miss him. You were lucky to have each other as long as you did and you both certainly left your imprint on each other's hearts.

In stitches,
Teresa :o)

christhequilter said...

Hi Bonnie

we are all here for you

ups, downs, whatever!!

so sad to hear of Oscar's passing, but lovely that he was at home

Dinah said...

Bonnie,
Anyone who has a member-of-the-family animal friend understands your loss. We have always been "dog" people; I still grieve over the loss of one of our dear greyhounds, and can't bear to think of losing the other one. I am sorry that you lost Oscar, and I hope that you will always remember him with love and a smile.
Dinah

Deb said...

I lost my dog last Wed. to bloat. Big 14yo lab. It was rough, it looked SO painful. I know I made the only choice, but it still hangs with you.
I feel your pain, and like I said on my blog, it is the things you miss, like the routine of everything. It was/is so quiet in the house, since she was the barker, and SNORER, and the one with long toenails constantly clicking on the linoleum.It is just weird. I will be getting another dog, even tho we still have 2, but they are 11 and 12. And 2 cats old cats. I am in for a lot of heartache... it is too bad you travel so much, so that you have to chose not to get another cat. A different phase of your lives. Funny too, I thought the same thing last week, that it seemed minor compared to Japan...but it is still OUR pain.

Lynn W. said...

I've been "owned" by many cats and the last 4 have been quilting cats. We call them our fur babies around family and "the kids" to each other. I've been where you are and offer my deepest sympathy. AnnieBelle and Misss Rita send their regards, too.

Kate said...

Hey Bonnie - I think - I really DO think - that at the Rainbow Bridge, there is a big bulletin board where all the new arrivals write down their address... the board is titled "VACANCIES"... and then the pet gods send those addresses down to animals who need someone to love... and one day, some new animal will enter your life, and you will think it is chance.... but it will be Oscar having sent a message that says "Vacancy - great people, great place to live for a fur-baby".

Kathleen

Diane said...

Great picture, he was one good looking cat.
I totally understand your feelings about him. My last cat was one of those rare, irreplaceable boys, and there are still pictures of him all over my house.

Pain is pain, no matter how small it seems. Here's to healing what we can, even in the smallest way.

Jeanne said...

Sorry to hear about your Oscar. I know how you feel and have been in your place before. I enjoyed your pictures with Oscar posing with your quilts. Our pets become our best friend, always loving us unconditional.

Kat said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Oscar. You may find that Emmy Lou might start coming out more. That is what happened when one of my cats passed on.

Avon said...

Aren't we glad all good pets go to heaven and we can see them again when we make it. :}

Snoodles said...

We are cat folks, too, and love our furbabies. Oscar was so adorable, and from what you have said, had some of the same personality traits that my Moses has. I raised him from hours old - our dog snitched him from the mama cat's nest and brought him to her doghouse. Go figure. I guess she wanted to mother him - instead I did. Fed him, warmed him, massaged his little belly to make him relieve himself....he still thinks I am his mama, and I hate to think of his upcoming trip across the bridge. He is 10 now. I think you should make a quilt just for Oscar.
Jacque in SC
quiltnsrep(at)yahoo(dot)com

Deborah said...

Any loss is hard and never apologize for having a tender heart for animals or people. I've tried to coax my cat in the house, but he is an outside house and being on a farm, is gone most of the time. Most of ours do wander off and never come back. Now that my kids are almost grown, I like the company of the cat in the house...someone to talk to. God comforts those that mourn and He will comfort you.

Darling Millie said...

My cat Gizzy was a lot like Oscar. He woke me up each morning, waited for me when I was in the shower, hung out with me during the day. He'd be watching for me from the window when I got home from work, and he'd meet me at the door. He was on every quilt I made, sometimes he'd position himself on the warm ironing board when I turned my back to get another piece of fabric to iron. He's been gone four years and I still miss him terribly. The good thing is that I have great memories of my "Cat of a Lifetime."

Laura said...

Hugs to you Bonnie! Most of us get what you're going through... and have been there ourselves. Funny how those creatures steal our hearts - but I'm so very glad they do!

Comfort Cove Designs said...

I remember when our cat Missy died two years ago. It was very hard. We still miss her presence here in the house.

I agree all cat have their own distinct personalities. Missy was Queen of the house and we were her servants. She wasn't the type of cat you could take up whenever and snuggle. It was always on her time. But when she wanted affection she showed it.

Oscar sounds like he had a very warm and cozy and loving home. He was one very lucky cat! And to be able to test out all those quilts you make!!!!

Take Care

Quiltingly Yours
Andrea

smidget said...

Hi Bonnie, Just read the post about Oscar and wanted to say how sorry I am. I just want to share this with you. I got a kitten for my daughter when she was 3-4 years old. She will be 22 this year. Last February, while sleeping with her, our precious Rainbow crossed the rainbow bridge. We were devastated with his passing. Rainbow was a talking cat. You talked and he answered back with different pitch to his meows. We also have 2 other cats. They too, were at a loss as to where there “buddy” went. Our one cat, Baby Girl (she is Rainbows daughter and they got along well), has been like your Emmy Lou, always hiding out somewhere. If she was seen, she didn’t like to be touched or held. She would nip at you and then run off to hide again. After Rainbow passed, she started to come out of hiding and at time rubbing against my leg if I was watching TV. Now, she sits on the couch with me or follows me through out the house. If I am sewing, she sometimes startles me by jumping up on the chair next to me, nuzzling my elbow and at times getting on the table to touch the fabric. We laugh a lot at the change in her behavior. We say she is like a fish out of water. We pet her and she just flops from one side to the other, with hardly any nipping. I don’t know what’s gotten into her, but I am happy she's letting us love her.