It wasn’t until this morning that I read all the responses….and feel a bit embarrassed about how unglued I sounded in yesterday’s post about Oscar dying. But I guess the truth was, I WAS unglued. We had fought over his health quite a bit in the past year, with the lung infection, and the tail abscess and whatever else was going on….
I don’t know what took him this time. But whatever it was, finding out and knowing couldn’t bring him back. Just like Buddy and the snake bite this time last year…Sometimes answers do NOT help. And whatever it was, wouldn’t couldn’t bring Oscar back.
We’ve had other pets ((I have the hardest time just calling them “PETS” because somehow it diminishes who/what they really are in our lives, making them somehow less significant)) who have lived long lives – cats especially – who have just up and wandered off never to be seen again once their lives had reached old age status. I always thought they found their way into the woods to a peaceful place where they just laid down and died surrounded by nature. For weeks after I’d search and call and wonder, hoping I didn’t find them on a roadside somewhere, but I never did.
I guess with Oscar--the place he felt most secure and the most loved was INSIDE the house with the people he loved, and who loved him, rather than out in the wild…being such an outdoor cat, I find that amusing in a way. And comforting. At least we will never have to wonder where he went to if he just disappeared…
Remember how frantic I was over Emmy Lou being gone for over 2 months? And then finding her under a bush on the other side of the creek? I welcomed her home with open arms. She is a different kind of cat ---they DO have their own personalities, you know! She is content to mostly be off on her own, guarding the guestroom bed. She doesn’t come out of there very often, not very curious about what I’m doing down here in the studio….she sleeps, she eats….she stays pretty much unseen.
Oscar, was EVER PRESENT! And I think that is what I will miss the most. Sitting here at the computer this morning, I know he would be already up in my lap as I type, nudging his head against me, purring loudly, begging for me to be petting him, instead of tapping on these keys. Those are the times I’ll miss him most.
Or any time I was feet-up in the recliner, sewing on a binding---He’d have to be RIGHT THERE to the point I'd have to bodily move him to move on down the quilt as I stitched. Emmy doesn’t do that. Oscar was there and IN the picture, where Emmy has always just watched from the side. ((Or stayed up in the guest room)) It isn’t that I don’t love her --- it’s just different.
And I’ll admit…I was a bad cat mommy and kind of wishing and thinking that if it were CHLOE the bad kitty that had gone across the rainbow bridge, I wouldn’t have been so distraught! She is beautiful, but NOT NICE…and never will be.
I got home last night around 7pm. It was a long drive….a boring one! I didn’t stop anywhere other than to get gas or a quick bite to eat, and back on the road.
I was asleep by 9pm.
Today? Well, I think I’ll just start putting the pieces together and tying up loose ends. Book orders, bank run, maybe grocery store…Jeff’s already helped me unpack the car. I’ll probably do some laundry, some light house work putting things back in order, and we’ll see how it goes.
Thank you so much for the outpouring of love and understanding. In comparison to the Japan crisis…I know this was really on a small scale. I KNOW this…my brain knows this at least, but has a hard time convincing my heart